Am I to blame
by rachbob
Summary: Set after Eric tells his family they are to blame for vals death. What happens when Finn takes this personally and blames himself, will anyone help him before it's too late- on hiatus
1. Chapter 1

**Set after the episode where Eric tells his family they are to blame for vals death. What happens when Finn takes it personally and blames himself, will anyone help him before it's too late.**

 **I don't own emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

 **Chapter 1:**

Finn walked out of the B&B his head spinning from what he'd just heard, was it really his fault that Val died? No of course it wasn't, finn told himself, Eric was just angry and lashing out. However it didn't matter how many times finn told himself that, he still couldn't ignore the voice in the back of his head saying it was his fault.

"Finn wait up" Pete called from down the path, he'd seen brother rush out of the B&B and wanted to know if he was ok. "You alright mate its just you practically sprinted out of that B&B." Finn stared at him trying to gather his words. "Yeah Pete I'm fine I just need , I just need to get back" , Finn said faking a smile and running home, leaving his older brother to ponder what really had just happened.

Bursting into the house Finn slammed the door behind him, thankful that no one was home. Breathing heavy and leaning against the back of the door a million thoughts rushed through his mind. 'Of course it wasn't my fault she died' he thought to himself; however the little voice in his head said otherwise. 'Of course it's your fault she died and everyone knows it' Finn shook his head how was it his fault, he didn't start the fire that was Chrissie. Why couldn't he get that thought out his head.

Darting up the stairs Finn ran into his room, closing the door behind him; driving straight into his bed. All he wanted was for those thoughts to go away, the good ones and the bad ones. He knew he didn't deserve to be happy, not after what he did to Val but the thing is though, Finn just didn't know what he had done wrong.

 **I know this is short but it's just a start please review I want to know if people are enjoying this :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 2:

Pete sat in the pub worrying about Finn, fair enough Finn had never burst out the B&B with excitement but he'd never came out looking like that. Finn looked close to tears and as Pete looked back he realised that in fact Finn looked like he had been crying. But why? Pete thought to himself it just didn't make any sense, had something happened in the B&B, had someone said something, did Finn say something. Pete just didn't know but if there was one thing he know, it was that he was going to keep an eye on his younger brother and just make sure everything was ok.

It had been 2 days since Eric's outburst and Finn hadn't left the house. He knew people were going start wondering where he was, but why should they after all it was his 'fault' that Val died. No of course it wasn't his fault Finn thought to himself, he was just being stupid, he needed to man up and just get back out there, he has nothing to feel guilty about. Or did he ? All too soon that little voice came back, the little but powerful voice in the back of his head, telling him that it was his fault and that all Eric had said was true; this just made Finn feel even worse than before.

Back at the pub Victoria was in the kitchen cooking something that yet again had to be up to Marlons standards when she realised that she hadn't seen Finn for 2 days. That got her wondering, where was because normally everyday he'd pop in and say how annoying Eric was being or talk about how his family just can't seem to have a normal, stress free day. Maybe he was just busy helping Eric with things as he has been pretty torn up since Val died however, Eric had david for that so why was Finn nowhere to be seen; this worried Victoria.

Pete hadn't seen his brother in 2 days, to say he was concerned was an understatement, he was extremely worried. Finn had never been someone who would open up about his problems it always took some persuading from their dad, pete or ross; even then you probably wouldn't get the full story. Pete was considering going round just to see Finn and make sure he ok, so that's exactly what he did.

Pete knocked on the door just hoping that his brother would answer it. "Finn!" he called but he got no reply. He tried again but this time shouting louder, nope, still no reply. This was when his big brother instinct kicked in, something was wrong except Pete just didn't know what.

 **Thank you for reading, please review I want to know if people enjoy this :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Scot- thank you for your review, hope you enjoy the next few chapters.**

 **l don't own emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 3:

Sitting in his bedroom Finn could hear Pete shouting, he stood up contemplating wether to go downstairs however he decided against that as he knew Pete would just bombard him with questions. Questions Finn couldn't handle. He knew he had leave the house one day he just couldn't face it, seeing everyone's faces knowing what he did. However the thing that confused Finn was that he didn't know why he blamed himself, he just did, he just felt guilty.

Back at the B&B Eric was still being unpleasant to basically everyone who spoke to him, surprisingly he didn't exactly feel guilty about what he had said to Finn and the others after all he was grieving. Anyways speaking of Finn, Eric had noticed that he hadn't seen the young barton since his outburst, which was strange as Finn was always one to try and settle an argument not create one. Eric just shrugged this off, I mean Finn wasn't exactly one of his top priorities, all Eric could think about was his beloved Val, that was what really played on his mind.

Checking her phone just in case she had new message or a missed call which was unlikely as she hadn't even heard from Finn never mind seen Finn in almost 3 days. Victoria knew something was wrong, she could feel it. She'd seen Pete earlier and was going to go and talk to him about Finn when all of a sudden he just shot up and left, leaving Victoria even more puzzled than before. She'd rang Finn like a thousand times over the past couple of days, all of them just went straight to voicemail so she left a few. However little did she know that Finn was at home listening to every single one of them.

Finn hadn't left the house in 4 days, no one had heard from him in 4 days and to be honest he was starting to enjoy his own company of just being shut away in his room by himself. However, he knew that sooner or later he would have to show his face, his 'guilty' face, just to let people know that he was still alive. Taking a shaky breath, opening the door, Finn decided he was going to try and find Pete, just make general conversation with him and in a way try and find out why he was so desperate to see him the other day.

Down at the farm Pete was making use of his spare time, however the only thing that occupied his mind was Finn. He hadn't seen or heard from him in 4 days, which was unlike Finn. Like the other day when he knocked on the door he got no answer and even when he shouted at the top of his voice he still got no answer, this what really worried Pete. The fact that he hadn't seen Finn was alright because he might of been tied up in some video game or working on a project, but he didn't answer his phone; that wasn't Finn.

The stones on the path beneath crunched, as a nervous Finn made way towards the barn. Why was he so nervous? He hadn't done anything wrong, or a least that's what he told himself. Pete could hear crunching along the path, he assumed it was just his dad or moira, however when he looked up he wasn't met with either of them, he was met with Finn."Finn", Pete said in no more than a whisper. Finn just stood there starring unsure of what to say next.

 **Thank you reading, please let me know what you think**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own emmerdale all right go to ITV**

Chapter 4:

Finn just stood there starring at Pete, what was he supposed to say? How was he going to explain where he had been for the last 4 days, well Pete knew where he had been but how was he going to explain why? Finn had a million thoughts racing round his head on what he could say, however none of them seemed that convincing.

Pete stood there starring at his little brother, his lost and quite lonely little brother. ' He looks pale' Pete thought to himself, when was the last time Finn had eaten. Without wasting anymore time Pete jumped straight to it. "What's happened mate?" he asked a nervous looking Finn. Finn just starred at the ground, he couldn't tell Pete what he really thought, he'd either laugh and tell him not to be so stupid or he'd say that yes it was his fault Val dead. So Finn decided to tell a little lie. "I just haven't been feeling too well, that's all" , Finn said in his most convincing tone. He was hoping Pete would believe him because he did look a bit pale, so maybe just maybe Pete might believe him.

Victoria was contemplating whether to speak to Pete or ross, or even james about Finn. She was worried, like really worried, she hadn't seen or heard from Finn in 4 days and whenever she walked past the house the curtains were always closed. It was just so unlike Finn. All she wanted was to see him just to check that he was ok, because after all that's what best friends to right?

Pete looked at Finn, he did look ill, he was pale, his eyes were red with dark bags underneath, he was shivering and seemed shaky and jumpy at everything. So Pete decided to get him in the house at least he could have proper conversation with him.

"Come on mate, let's get you inside" he said walking up to Finn; putting an arm around him and guiding him inside.

Back at the B&B, Eric sat there deep in thought, however most of his thoughts were about Finn. He hadn't been in work for nearly a week; this annoyed Eric plus the fact that Finn hadn't even been bothered to phone in sick or at least explain where he was. It puzzled him. "Alright dad", david said pulling Eric from his thoughts. "Yes or course I am, why wouldn't I be" Eric snapped back. "Alright dad chill out" david replied, " I won't bother asking next time." Eric sighed, why did he always have two push people away. Is that what happened with Finn." David wait" Eric started, "it's Finn I'm worried about him." David just starred at his dad, confused by what he had just said.

Finn sat there with cup of warm tea in his hands, his trembling and shaky hands, starting down at the table. He didn't notice Pete's eyes watching his every move. "Do you want something to eat, you look like you haven't eaten in days mate?" Pete asked hoping to get a reply from his unusually quiet and anxious little brother. Finn shrugged his shoulders, he knew it was a bad idea to see Pete and now all he wanted to do was run away. But he couldn't, he had to face Pete at some point, he had to face the truth.

"I called round the other day mate but I got no answer, were you in?" Pete asked his shaky younger brother, he knew something was bothering Finn so instead of going in all guns blazing, Pete decided to take the more gentle and softer approach in the hopes of getting Finn to talk. Finn's mind was racing with things to say, but to be honest he didn't feel like saying anything, all Finn wanted was to just get out of that situation and go home. "Yeah, I was in", Finn replied trying to make it sound like he was telling the truth. "So why didn't you answer the door?" Pete asked curious to find out more. "Because I was too ill to move!" Finn replied slightly raising his voice, which confirmed Pete's suspicions that something was definitely up with Finn. "Just leave me alone!" Finn shouted and with that he stormed out of butler's farm leaving a stunned Pete behind

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	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for the reviews**

 **Gillian Kearney fan- thank you for your review, I will be adding Emma later on in the story.**

 **I don't own emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 5:

Walking out of the woolpack Victoria felt her phone buzz, she dived into her pocket hoping the text was from Finn, unfortunately it wasn't, it was from Pete. She decided to open it and she was glad she did when she read the text. The text read: Victoria, Finn's just stormed out of butler's farm, if you see can you let me know, I'm worried about him. Before Victoria even had time to think about what might of happened she seen an agitated Finn walking through the village.

James barton hadn't seen his youngest in what felt like forever. As a matter of fact it was only now he realised that Finn didn't really speak to anyone let alone his father. So this got James thinking, what was really going on with Finn

"Finn wait!" Victoria called, running over to Finn after she'd quickly text Pete saying that she'd found Finn wondering in the village. He stopped but didn't turn round, confirming Victoria's suspicions that something at happened. "You alright Finn?" she asked being careful about how she approached Finn. Finn didn't answer, he didn't even turn around, he just stood there starring into space. "Pete's worried about you, I've text him where you are and he's gonna come." As Victoria said this she noticed how Finn flinched at Pete's name. She could see that something was seriously wrong with her friend, he just wasn't Finn.

As soon as Pete received the text from Victoria he bolted out of the door and sprinted into the village, he was scared for Finn. "Victoria!" Pete shouted as he ran round the corner. Victoria turned around faced with a frantic Pete. "Where is he?" Pete asked. "He's right behind me", Victoria turned round, "at least he was there two minutes ago. Finn!" she shouted. Pete was at a loss with he had to tell someone and he knew who he was going to tell.

James barton sat in butler's farm thinking about his youngest, when all.a sudden the door burst open. "You alright Pete?", James asked after seeing how frantic his oldest was. Pete just shook his head. "No it's Finn."

"So how long has he been acting like this?" James asked still trying to get his head around everything Pete had told him. "A week", Pete replied. James could tell that something was wrong with Finn but now that someone else had noticed it too, just made his suspicions a little more believable. "Victoria's noticed it too", Pete began, "and only today after Finn walked out on me, she found text me, I came and then Finn just disappeared", Pete finished. "Okay, where is he now?", James asked, becoming more and more worried by the minute. "I don't know", Pete replied, "I don't know."

Sitting at home with his head in his hands, Finn couldn't help but think the worst. 'They'd found out what I had done, that I was to blame' he told himself. 'That's why Victoria couldn't look at me because she was too ashamed, but then she was also too ashamed to admit that I was to blame' he thought to himself.

Suddenly a loud knock at the door echoed through the house pulling Finn was his thoughts. "Finn!", the voice called through the house. Finn recognized it and worked out that it was his dad, and if his dad was there, Pete would be there too. He didn't know whether to go and open the door or stay upstairs, however he knew that if he chose to stay upstairs, his dad would just kick the door down.

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	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 6:

"Finn, Finn open the door!", James shouted as he and Pete stood outside knocking on the door. "It's no good dad, we're gonna have to break the door down", Pete said hoping that his dad would just agree so they could get in and see Finn. "Okay", his dad said taking step back, "1,2,3." And with that James broke the door down.

Finn heard the loud bang upstairs and knew what it meant, they'd broke the door down. What was he supposed to do, they couldn't see him like this. He was curled up in the corner of his room, his dark room, shaking. Finn heard footsteps on the stairs. What was he supposed to do. Finn started to panic, they couldn't see him like this, they could not see him like this. They were outside his door, Finn knew that after this everyone would know what he'd done.

Victoria stood outside the pub watching what was going on. She'd seen Pete and James break the door and wanted to know if Finn was alright. The problem was, was that nearly half the village had gathered outside to see what was going on and Victoria knew that whatever was going on with Finn, having all these people outside watching would make it a hundred times worse.

Emma was walking down the road when she saw all the people gathered further on. She decided to walk up and see what was going on. When she got there Victoria came running over to her. "What's going on?", Emma asked Victoria who started to explain. "Well something's going on with Finn so James and Pete went round to see him before but he wouldn't open the door, so James broke it down. Now him and Pete have gone in to see Finn, but all these people have gathered and I know that the last thing Finn would want, would to create a scene." Emma looked shocked.

Back inside the house James and Pete stood outside Finn's bedroom door. "Finn open up", James said calmly, knocking on Finn's door. "Come on mate, open up it's only us two", Pete said trying to get his younger brother to open up.

Finn sat in his room trying to decide whether to open the door. Deep down he knew didn't have a choice, either he was going to open the door and let them in or they were going to let themselves in. Finn thought the first option sounded better, so he tidied himself up opened his curtains and slowly went over to the door, his heart beating so loud you could probably hear it on the other side of the door. Trembling he opened the door, not expecting what came next.

"Well Victoria we need to go in and warn them that all of these people are stood out here", Emma said starting to walk up to the house. "No", Victoria said stopping her, "you can't, James and Pete are hopefully about to find out what's really bothering Finn, US going up there and telling them that half the village is watching is only gonna make Finn worse." Emma thought about this and decided that Victoria was right, but she had another idea.

"Give me hand clearing this lot away then", Emma said, nodding in the direction of all the villagers who had gathered. Both women walked over started shouting. "Right come on clear off!", Emma shouted. "What!", Kerry exclaimed, "I wanna know what's going on", she said. "Well Kerry, what's going on has got nothing to do with you so just go away and when something that does concern you crops up, I'll be sure to let you know", Victoria said and with that Kerry and most of the others walked away grunting. Emma and Victoria exchanged smiles knowing that what they'd just done had probably helped Finn massively.

As soon as Finn opens the door, Pete embraced him in a hug. Finn unsure of what to do just stood there, he was waiting for the telling off to begin or for the shouting to start, but no just hug from his big brother.

Pete couldn't help but notice how awful Finn looked, his hair was a mess, he smelt like he hadn't had a wash in days, he looked as though he was still wearing the same clothes, and Pete couldn't help but notice how light Finn felt it was as if he hadn't eaten in days. "Come on mate let's, get you downstairs", Pete said guiding Finn down the stairs while James looked in Finn's room for anything to help understand what was going on.

"There we go", Pete said helping Finn onto the sofa, "I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and sandwich alright", Pete said but he got no response from Finn. Despite that he carried on making him, Finn and their dad a cup of tea while he made Finn a sandwich.

"There we go", Pete said sitting down and placing a plate and cup of tea on the table for Finn. "Now are you gonna tell me what's going on" he asked. Finn just stared down at cup trying to think of something to say.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for reviews,**

 **Chloe67- the first part of the story was set when Ross wasn't in the village, but he's back and is included in the next few chapters. Hope you enjoy the next few chapters with Ross in them.**

 **I don't own emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 7:

"Whoa what's happened to the door?", Ross asked Victoria and Emma as he walked down into the village. Victoria sighed, "come in the pub, I think you'll need to sit down" she said as the three of them made their way to the woolpack.

Meanwhile back in the house Pete and James were still trying to work out the situation with Finn. "Is there anything you wanna talk about, anything bothering you?", James asked hoping to gat an answer. Except he didn't, Finn just stared. He was aware that he was shaking and causing even more concern.

Pete and James knew they weren't gonna get an answer from Finn anytime soon, except they were not going to leave him on his own. They were gonna stay there until Finn talked to them, no matter how long it might be.

"What, so you're saying Finn wouldn't open the door, no one's seen him in days so my dad and Pete broke the door down!", Ross said, back at the pub, shocked at what he was hearing. Victoria just sighed and nodded; Emma didn't even move. "I need to go round there, see what's going on", Ross said standing up and making his way towards the door. "Wait, you cant!", Emma shouted. "I think you'll find I can", Ross said walking out the door and leaving Victoria and Emma in the pub.

"Finn if you don't tell us what's wrong, then we can't help you?", James asked his youngest who was beginning to test his patience. Him and Pete had tried everything to get Finn to open up, but whatever they tried it just didn't work.

James walked into the kitchen and motioned for Pete to follow. "I'll be back in a minute", Pete said rubbing Finn's shoulder and walking into the kitchen. "I think we should get Ross", James said, trying to ignore the fact that Pete tensed at Ross's name. "No", Pete said sternly, adamant that Ross wasn't going to get involved. However before Pete could do anything, Ross walked through the door.

"Finn are you ok?", Ross asked, kneeling down so he was level with his brother. Finn was still shaking and had tears in his eyes. "Finn", Ross gently shook his brother but he still got no response.

"What are you doing here?", Pete asked walking into the living room closely followed by James. "I'm here for m brother and nothing else", Ross replied rubbing his hand on Finn's shoulder. James sighed, "right then now we're all here for the same reason, Ross go and close the door, then we are all going to sit down and find out what's been going on." Finn sat there, feeling uneasy, knowing that he was going end up spilling all to his family.

"I wonder how they're getting on", Emma said. "I dont know", Victoria replied. "I hope it's going okay." The two ladies sat in silence, both thinking about the same thing; thinking about Finn.

Finn sat awkwardly on the sofa, with Pete on one side of him and Ross on the other. Their dad sat across the room. Nobody spoke. "What's going on Finn, cos whatever it is, I promise none of us are gonna be angry or upset." Ross said earning nods of agreement from Pete and James. You know you can talk to us Finn", Pete said placing his hand down on Finns leg. Finn flinched at and Pete noticed. "Has someone hurt you?", Pete asked. Finn shook his head.

"Erm..." Finn began trying to think of something to say., but he couldn't. Pete, James and Ross sat eagerly on the edge of their seats, waiting for Finn to talk. . "Finn whatever it is you can talk to us", Ross said starting to get desperate. "It was my fault", Finn whispered quietly. Pete frowned, "what was?", he asked. "It was my fault", Finn said again, leaving his family puzzled.

 **Thank you for reading and sorry for the delay in updating. Please review I like to see if people enjoy this story. :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for the reviews, they do mean a lot**

 **Chloe67- thank you for your review, I'm so glad your enjoying.**

 **I don't own emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 8:

Finn sat there, cursing himself for what he had just said. They were going to think he was worthless now and just tell him to his face that it was his fault. Finn could sense his chest getting tighter and he could feel his hands and legs starting to shake. He had to get out of the room, away from his family and just be alone.

Pete looked at his dad and then to Ross, trying to work out what Finn meant. Ross sat there staring trying to process what Finn had just said, while their dad was rubbing his head in his hands puzzled by what Finn meant. "What's really going on, Finn?", Pete asked and this time he was going to get an answer.

"Look we haven't heard from them, I think we should ring them", a nervous Emma suggested. She was worried for Finn, worried for his health. "No", Victoria replied. "I think it would just make matters worse, those boys have been there for each other since day one. If anyone's gonna find out what's wrong with Finn, it'll be them." Emma nodded, understanding that Victoria probably knew Finn better than her however there was that part of Emma that didn't believe all of what Victoria said. Emma was going to be there for her sons no matter what anyone else said.

Finn's breathing was becoming more and more erratic by the second. He had to get out of the room; he decided that was exactly what he was going to do. But, he wasn't going to make a big fancy exit, no, he was just going to walk out without saying a word and go upstairs to his room. So that's exactly what he did.

"Whoa, where do you think your going?", Ross asked grabbing Finns arm as he tried to leave the room. Finn couldn't even form the words in his mouth, never mind say them. "Finn we need to find out what's going, and the only way we're gonna do that is by you telling us what's wrong", James said calmly, hoping that it might have an affect and Finn might sit down, but it didn't.

"No, Victoria I need to go round there, I need to see what's going on", Emma said standing up and leaving the pub. "What", Victoria replied shocked as only half and hour ago, Emma was telling Ross to wait in the pub so Pete, James and Finn could sort it out. "Emma wait!", Victoria called, running after her.

"Finn please just calm down, come on breath with me," Ross said placing his hands in Finn's shoulders trying to calm his breathing. Finn was trying he was, but he just couldn't, everything was building up inside him and now it was all about to come spiralling out.

Pete and James watched on in concern as Finn pulled away from Ross, holding his head in his hands. Pete carefully edged forward to Finn, he was about to pull him into a hug when Finn turned around. "Just go away!", Finn shouted panting heavily in between words. "No Finn, were not", Pete said calmly, watching Ross behind Finn as he moved to the door to stop Finn leaving.

Victoria and Emma made their way through the village to the house. Emma was shaking, she didn't know why, she just was. Victoria followed behind; she too was shaking but not because she was nervous, she was scared. Scared for Finn and the Bartons.

Finn turned around and walked towards the door only to be met by Ross, who stopped him from leaving. "Finn please just calm down, all we wanna do help", James said once again hoping it would stop another outburst. "Just let me go", Finn said struggling against ross's strong grip.

Emma and Victoria reached the house and burst in, shocked at what stood befoe them. "Ross please just let me go!", Finn shouted still struggling, except he stopped when he seen Emma and Victoria in front of him. "What on earth is going on here?", Emma asked. All four boys stared at the two girls, all trying to think of something to say.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for the reviews.**

 **Chloe67- I'm so glad your enjoying this story, hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

 **I don't own emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 9:

Emma looked at the men stood in front of her. James standing furthest away with deeply concerned look on his face. Pete was standing a few in front of him, closer to Finn, he too had a deeply concerned look on his face but he also looked quite scared. Then there was Ross who was holding back Finn who presumably was going run upstairs or out the door, looked terrified except Emma didn't know why. That left Finn, who was being held by Ross. Finn had a shear look of panic spread across his face and it was clear to see that he was having trouble breathing.

"I'm waiting", Emma said crossing her arms. She could sense that something was wrong but she didn't want to let her guard down. Victoria pulled at Emma's sleeve, indicating that that was probably a good time to leave and let the others sort it out. Except Emma didn't budge.

"Emma I think you should go", James calmly he was too focused on watching Finn and making sure Ross didn't let him leave. Finn was panting heavily; James, Pete and Ross could sense that if they didn't get Finn out of there something was going to happen.

"Ross take Finn upstairs, Pete go with them", James instructed hoping that the boys would just follow his instructions and take Finn upstairs. "What", ross replied, "how am I supposed to get him upstairs." He said referring to a struggling Finn who was starting to panic.

"Look I don't care how you do it just get him upstairs", James said. Pete sighed, "right come on then.". He and Ross took Finn out of the living room and practically half dragged him, half carried him up the stairs.

As they got to top Finn was still struggling, "Finn just calm down yeah, take some deep breaths." Ross said pulling his shaky brother into a hug and breathing with him. "In and out, in and out." Pete rubbed Finn's back in the hopes of this finally calming him down.

Both brothers breathed a sigh of relief as Finn calmed down and his breathing started to slow down. Ross guided Finn into the bedroom and sat him down on the bed, Pete follwed. "What's going on mate?", Ross asked hoping this time Finn would tell them.

"What on earth was all that about?", Emma asked, she was trying to get her head around what she had just seen. James sighed. "Look Emma, something's wrong with Finn ans you know what we were pretty close to finding out what it was and then you barged in!"Emma stood silent, she was shocked. Had James really just said that?

Victoria moved towards Emma, "look come on I think we should go." She said. "No", Emma replied, "I'm leaving until I've spoke to Finn." Victoria sighed, "that's not gonna happen at the minute, why don't me and you just go back to the pub and James will ring us if there's any news." Emma thought about it. "Promise you'll ring?", she asked James sternly. "Promise", he replied and with that Emma and Victoria left the house.

Upstairs Pete and Ross were still trying to make a breakthrough with Finn. Finn hadn't said a word since they'd got upstairs, that was until now. "I...erm" Finn began unsure of what to say. How could he tell them that he was to blame for Vals death, i mean they probably already knew. Everyone did. "It was all my fault", Finn said again.

"What was Finn, what was your fault?", Pete asked, he wanted to know what was Finn's fault, he wanted to help him. "Val", Finn said this time he had tears in his eyes that were spilling out on to his face and his voice was trembling. Pete and Ross looked at each other, trying what Finn meant.

"It was my fault she died I'm to blame, I'm to blame for everything's that's happened and everyone knows it", Finn said, this time he crying, hard, and couldn't hold back the sobs that racked through his body. Then it clicked for Pete and Ross; they felt guilty that Finn felt like this. Ross pulled Finn into a hug and let Finn cry into him, while rubbed his back.

"No mate it wasn't your fault, of course it wasn't. How could yiu think that?" Pete asked. "Eric", Finn choked out. All of a sudden everything made sense to Pete, that day when Finn walked out of the B&B he looked had been crying and now everything fitted into place. Pete sighed, he should of noticed this sooner, what kind of big brother was he.

 **Thank you for reading, please review I like to see if purple are enjoying this :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you for the reviews I'm glad people are enjoying the story.**

 **Chloe67- you reviews make me smile and I lots of brotherly moments coming up in the next few chapters so I hope you enjoy.**

 **I don't own emmerdale all rights to go ITV.**

Chapter 10:

James stood outside the bedroom door heartbroken at what he was hearing. He couldn't believe Finn blamed himself and he was wanted to go and give Eric a piece of his mind. However he knew he couldn't, he had to be there for Finn, they all did.

Ross looked down and realised Finn was asleep, he and Pete lay him down on the bed and walked out the room. By this time James was downstairs and Ross turned to look at Pete. "He needs help, Pete", Ross said hoping Pete would agree. Pete sighed, "I don't know about it, what if we can help him here, he can talk to us, his brothers." Ross thought about it. "Ok", he said, "but if we can't get through to him, them we let the professionals try." Pete and agreed and they both went downstairs to be met by James who had heard everything.

"He hasn't rang yet", Emma said panicking about Finn. "Look maybe James has found out what's wrong and he's busy dealing with it now", Victoria suggested hoping it would calm Emma down. She too wanted to know what was wrong with Finn, but she'd learnt from experience that panicking about it didn't help.

James looked at Pete and expectantly, "well", he said folding his arms. "So I take it you heard then?", Ross asked and James nodded. "I heard everything and I say we get him help now." Pete shook his head, "the only person that's gonna get something is Eric, and he's gonna get a beating. How could he say that to Finn!" Ross turned and looked at him. "Woah just calm down yeah, I feel as angry as you but we can't just go after Eric. It would just make Finn worse", he said and actually making some sense.

"I agree", James said, "we can't go in all guns blazing it would just make Finn worse and what are we gonna tell the whole village when Eric is black and blue." He sighed, "look all we have to do is get through to Finn that this isn't his fault, support him, look after him, never let him out of our sight but never start a fight or cause a scene, ok." Pete and Ross both nodded.

"Right now all we need to do is tell your mum", James said trying to assemble the words in his head.

The minute Emma's phone rang she pounced straight on to it like a cat. "James", she answered sounding panicked. "Wha what is it, how's Finn?" Victoria was listening in carefully. "Right okay, can Victoria come aswell?, Emma continued her conversation with James. She put the phone down." What's happened?", Victoria asked knowing that now they might actually find out what's wrong with Finn. "We need to go", Emma said walking out of the pub with Victoria following.

Emma and Victoria sat on the sofa and couldn't believe what they were hearing, James, Ross and Pete had told them everything. "So your saying he blames himself for Val dying just because of what Eric said?", Victoria asked tears evident in her eyes. Pete nodded, "yeah." Ross butted in, "look we're gonna try and get through to him but if we can't then we're gonna let the professionals try, ok", he said looking at Victoria who nodded and Emma who had tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Mum", Ross said snapping her out of whatever trance she said was in. She looked up at him with a tear stained face. "We're gonna help him mum, we're gonna help him", Ross said pulling his mum into a hug.

 **Thank you for reading and please review :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you so much to chloe67 and CBloom2 your reviews mean a lot and they make me smile, I'm glad your both enjoying the story :)**

 **I don't own emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 11:

The next morning Finn woke up in Ross's room and started to wonder how he got there. Finn also noticed that he was lying on top of the covers and not under covers; then it hit him and he remembered everything. How he had told Pete and Ross everything, which meant that they must of told their dad, which meant their dad must of told their mum and this also meant that Victoria knew.

He dragged himself up and sorted out his crumpled clothes that lay on his thin body. He walked towards the door and out onto the landing, he could hear voices from downstairs, that no doubt belonged to Pete and Ross. Except Finn couldn't work out what they were saying, and to be honest, he didn't want to know.

Finn carefully made his way downstairs, getting ready to sneak out of the door except his plan failed. "Where do your off to?", Pete asked jokingly, but firmly putting his against the door stopping Finn from leaving. "We've made breakfast so why don't you come and join us", Pete said putting his arm around Finn giving him no choice but to go and join his family.

As Finn sat down silence fell upon the table. James placed his knife and fork down, while finishing off his bacon getting ready to speak. "So how are you feeling?", James asked earning himself some cautious looks from Ross and Pete. "Fine", Finn replied in gruff tone making it obvious he didn't want to have a conversation with any of the men sitting with him.

"Me and Pete are gonna go down to the pub later, if you wanna join us", Ross said hoping Finn would come, Finn just shook head. "Ah come on Finn you might as well, you haven't been out for ages and Victoria's desperate to see you", Pete said trying to convince his brother that staying in the house all day, would do him no good.

"But why would she want to see me?", Finn asked knowing what the real reason was but there was no way they were gonna admit it. "What do you mean mate?", Pete asked trying to make sense of the situation. "Well why would she want to see me, it's my fault the helicopter crashed and my Val's dead" Finn said now trying to hold back to tears that were stinging his eyes. Finn left the table abruptly without saying a word.

James sighed, so this was the real reason his youngest didn't want to go out. Jame knew it couldn't go on, he knew that if they couldn't get through to Finn that it wasn't his fault then would have to take him to the doctors.

Pete knew his little brother was at breaking point, it was just going to be a matter of time before he broke. He didn't want to get the professionals involved but as the day went on Finn didn't come out of his room and Pete that sooner or later they would have no option.

Ross was worried, seriously worried. Finn was self-destructing and there was nothing they could do about it. For some reason Finn couldn't accept that it wasn't his fault, it was like it was glued in his brain and no one could get it out.

By 4pm no one seen Finn as he hadn't came out his room. Pete, Ross and James tried but it was no could and this is what lead them to meeting in the living room and talking about Finn.

"He needs help", Ross said hoping this time someone would get him some. James nodded in agreement, "yeah which is why I'm going to book him a doctor's appointment, for tomorrow."

 **Bit of a filler chapter, but next chapter will be better. Thank you for reading and please review :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you so much to everyone that had read this. Also a massive thank you to Chloe67 and CBloom2 your reviews mean a lot and glad your both enjoying this.**

Chapter 12:

The next day rolled around quickly but no one had seen or heard from Finn since the day before when he stormed up the stairs and locked himself in his room. His dad and brothers had tried everything, but nothing seemed to work. They were worried, worried about his health, both mental and physical. Finn didn't seem to eat and he had it stuck in his head that he was responsible for Val's death. They had tried everything to get him to talk, but nothing worked.

It's was 10am and Finn's appointment was at 4pm. The bartons had six hours to get Finn out of his room and to the doctors. "Look I think we should tell Victoria and mum, they might be able to get Finn out", Pete suggested and Ross agreed. "Yeah I agree, we might as well try", Ross said. James agreed, and Ross and Pete made their way out the door leaving James to wonder what he was going to do next.

Ross and Pete made their way through the village and up to the pub hoping to find their mum and Victoria. As they walked in they spotted Emma sitting on her own. "You go over there, make sure she doesn't leave and I'm gonna see if Victoria's in", Pete said and Ross went to go and sit with Emma.

"Alright Pete, I haven't seen your Finn around lately, is he alright?", Chas asked and Pete just nodded. "Er, yeah he's fine I was just wondering is Victoria out the back?", Pete asked praying that she was. "Erm yeah I'll just go and get her for you", Chas said making her way into the kitchens to get Victoria.

A few moments later Chas came back through with Victoria and Pete gestured head over to where Emma and Ross were sitting. Once the four had all sat down, the silence took hold. "So what's this about, how's Finn?", Emma asked breaking that silence. Ross and Pete looked at each other uncomfortably and sighed. "What", Victoria said, "what's happened?" Ross looked up, " we've tried to get through to Finn but it's not working, so we've booked him a doctor's appointment at 4 except the only problem is, is that he's locked himself in his room and he won't come out."

Emma and Victoria looked at each other, shocked with what they were hearing. "So what do you want us to do?", Victoria asked. "We want you to go round and talk to him, try and get him to come out. Except he doesn't know about the doctors appointment yet, so don't tell him", Pete said hoping they would agree.

Emma and Victoria both nodded, then all four of them stood up and left the woolpack, earning themselves a confused look from Chas. She could tell that something was going on, because as well as her not seeing Finn, she hadn't seen James in a while earlier.

Emma and Victoria arrived back at the house to met by James who was sitting in the living room. "Any change?", Pete asked and James shook his head. They all sat down and James started to explain what Emma and Victoria had to do. "Right we need you two to go upstairs, stand outside his door and talk to him", James said and Emma Victoria nodded.

"Try and get him to come out; he might as well know about the doctors appointment", James continued. "What, but we tell him about the doctors appointment then he might not even come out!", Ross exclaimed trying to make his voice heard in the conversation.

"Yeah but then if we don't tell him, he's gonna blame us", Victoria pointed out and everyone seemed to think this was a reasonable idea. "Look, if we don't tell him and he doesn't come out, he's probably only going to get worse", Pete said to Ross; Ross nodded his head in agreement. "You better go and try then", James said to Emma and Victoria who stood up slowly and made their way upstairs.

"Finn it's me Victoria and your mum, please let us in", Victoria said whilst knocking on Finn's door. Emma just stood there next to Victoria, she couldn't even speak, she was too upset about Finn. "Go away", Finn said from inside his room.

"No", Emma replied. "No we won't", she said with tears in her eyes and her heart breaking. Victoria could sense this and decided to take over. "Look Finn all we want to do is talk to you. We're worried about ya and I haven't seen you in weeks", Victoria said hoping to convince Finn. "Leave me alone", Finn said sharply; by now Victoria had had enough.

"Listen Finn, the only reason me, your mum, your brothers and your dad have been trying to get you out is because it's 12pm now and in four hours time you have a doctors appointment!", Victoria said exclaimed, hoping now the message that would finally get through to Finn. Apparently it did because Finn's bedroom door swung open and he thundered down the stairs before Victoria or Emma could say anything.

James, Pete and Ross were all sat downstairs, when they heard the footsteps on the stairs. Moments later Finn burst into the room looking and feeling betrayed. "Why have you booked me a doctors appointment?", he asked angrily. "Look Finn, you wouldn't talk to any of us and we thought if you could talk to someone else it might help", James explained hoping Finn would see sense.

Except Finn didn', "what, I don't need to go and speak to somebody. The only problem I have is you lot! I'm not going", Finn said shaking his head. James sighed, "oh yes your are, and no arguments." Finn scoffed and went back upstairs just as Emma and Victoria came back down. "And make your ready for half three!", James shouted up the stairs.

Three thirty rolled around and Ross was walking up the stairs to Finn's room to get him. Emma and Victoria had gone but had said to ring them if anything happens. He went to knock on the door pushing down on the handle when he realised it was unlocked. He opened the door carefully and saw Finn sitting on his bed. He looked all ready to go, he had his shoes and jacket on but he was just sitting there, staring into space.

Ross sat down next to him; Finn didn't say anything, he didn't even move. "Dad's waiting for you downstairs", Ross said and Finn just nodded before getting to his feet and walking down the stairs without saying a word. Then he brushed past James, walked out the front door and got in the car.

Finn and James were sitting in the waiting room, not uttering a single word. Finn sat there playing with the zip on his coat, while James sat there looking at his phone. Finn tried to look this he wasn't bothered but deep down he was terrified. Terrified about what his dad was going to say, terrified about what the doctor was going to say. Would they tell him to stop being so pathetic and send him away for being stupid or would they he had serious problem.

Finn tried not to think about it, except he didn't get a chance as his name was called. He stood up slowly and walked off into the room, with his dad right behind him, trying to stay calm.

 **Thank you for reading, sorry for the long wait, please review :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you so much to CBloom12 and chloe67 for reviewing, every time I read them they make me smile :)**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 13:

The doctor gestured for Finn and James to take a seat as he walked around and sat at his desk. Finn sat their awkwardly unsure of what to say. "So Finn what seems to be the problem?", the doctor asked. Finn shuffled uncomfortably in his chair but he didn't answer the question. James sighed and just decided to tell the doctor straight.

"We have came today to ask if you could refer Finn to a counsellor", James said and he couldn't ignore the look Finn gave him. "So why would you ask that?", the doctor asked, intrigued to find out more.

"Six weeks ago Finn's close friend was killed in the aftermath of a helicopter crash at his brother's wedding. Since then Finn had been blaming himself due to the fact her husband told Finn it was his fault. He hasn't left the house, hasn't been eating, he always seems to be in a bad mood; he thinks that everyone who meets him will just tell him that it's fault. Of course myself and his brothers have tried to tell him, but it hasn't worked."

The doctor thought about what James had just said and then when he looked at Finn, he could see what James meant. Finn looked thin and pale, he also looked unhappy and he could tell that Finn didn't want to be there.

"So Finn how have you been feeling recently?", the doctor asked hoping to get Finn to open up. Finn just shrugged, he didn't want to be there and he certainly didn't want to be telling the doctor how he felt. The doctor leaned back in his chair and sighed, "I'm going to refer to a counsellor, now it's not permanent, it's just so you can talk things through with somebody other than your family", he said while typing it into in his computer.

Finn sighed, "look I don't need to see a counsellor, I just need people to get of my back", he said while looking down at the floor. "Well just give a try mate eh, it might do you some good", James said while placing his hand on Finn's thigh.

The doctor smiled, "here is a letter and information pack explaining about what counselling is and how helps", he said handing the things to James. "If you do have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me", he said smiling as James and Finn left the room.

Once Finn had left the room, the doctor sighed. He was trying to think why Finn was feeling how he was. He had lost his appetite, didn't go out and had low mood. The word depression kept on circling round the doctor's, except he couldn't do anything and he would just have to wait until Finn had spoken to the counsellor.

The car ride home silent, Finn just looked out the window refusing to look at his dad. While James didn't even try and start a conversation as he knew Finn wouldn't respond. As soon as they got home Finn ran upstairs to his room while James walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa, exhausted.

"How did it go then?", Ross asked as Pete brought James a cup of tea. "Not good", James said taking a sip of his tea. "The doctor referred him to a counsellor, except Finn starting to say he didn't need it." Ross and Pete both sighed, "so when's his appointment?", Pete asked. "I don't know yet, we're going to get a letter through within the next few days confirming it but we were given this information pack", James said passing Pete the pack.

"Now all we have to do, is keep an eye on him", James said but himself, Ross and Pete knew that would be easier said than done.

 **Thank you for reading, please review I would love to hear what you think :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**I am SO sorry for the delay in updating I've been super busy, so to make up for it I'm posting 2 chapters tonight. Again thank you so much to CBloom2 ans Chloe67, I'm so glad that your both still enjoying the story and I hope you enjoy the next few chapters.**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 14:

"Finn your appointment is at 11, so we're leaving at 10:30!", James shouted up the stairs. Whether Finn was listening, James didn't know but he hoped Finn would come down otherwise he would just be making it worse.

"Where's Pete?", Ross asked as he walked into the living room. "He's at the farm, so that means if Finn isn't out of his room at 10:30 it's your job to get him to come down", James said, Ross sighed as he heard this. He knew that trying to get Finn to go somewhere he didn't want to go was a bad idea, because if Finn didn't want to do something, Finn wasn't going to do it. "Alright but let's not get ahead of ourselves", Ross said, "hopefully Finn will use that brain of his and realise that we're trying to help." Although as Ross said this, he began to doubt it.

10:30 rolled around and Finn was still in his room. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to talk to a stranger about his 'problems' and no doubt that stranger wouldn't want to listen to Finn drone on about his 'problems'. Downstairs he could hear his dad shouting on him, and he could hear Ross walking up the stairs. Finn knew he had no choice.

"Finn, look mate it's 10:30 and you've got to go", Ross said walking into Finn's room and sitting down next to him on the bed. Finn sighed, "I can't go Ross", he said and Ross just looked at his brother in despair. "Right, I know you don't want to go and I get it Finn. I wouldn't want to talk someone about my problems, so I know how hard it's gonna be for you. But please just try it for me", Ross said and pulled Finn in for a hug.

As Finn pulled out of the hug he nodded, "yeah alright then, I'll go, but I'm only doing it for you" he said, they both stoo up; Ross smiled and followed Finn out of the room. As Finn and Ross made their way downstairs James smiled, relieved that Ross had managed to talk Finn round. As Finn walked out the door and got in the car, James mouthed 'thank you' to Ross and Ross smiled back.

As Finn arrived at 'The Wilson Centre', he began to feel more nervous. James walked in with him, and sat with him in the waiting room.10 minutes later, Finn's name was called. It was called by a man who looked not that much older than Finn, and as Finn walked over to the man he began to feel sick.

"Hello Finn, my name's Craig and I'm one of the counsellors here, I am also going to be your main counsellor throughout your course", Craig explained as they walked down the corridor and into a room. Finn walked in and sat down on one of the chairs, there was 4 chairs in the room, they were spaced out but then close together at the same time.

"So Finn, what exactly has been going on?", Craig asked a nervous looking Finn who was looking down at his feet. "It's alright Finn, I'm not here to judge you", Craig said in an understanding voice. Finn still didn't answer, even though he was trying to form the words in his mouth.

"Right Finn, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself, your family", Craig suggested hoping this was an easier subject for Finn to talk about. "Erm, I've got two older brothers, Ross and Pete. I live in a village called Emmerdale and erm, I've got a friend called Victoria who works in the pub and erm, my mum turned up earlier this year", Finn said, relaxing a little as he said this, but not much.

"That's a great start Finn, I'm not going to ask you any more questions this week as I don't want you to feel pressured, but I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything", Craig said, standing up at the same time as Finn, shaking his hand and watching him leave. This left Craig standing in the room alone, he knew there something wrong with Finn, he just couldn't put his finger on it. He was hoping that over time he would be able to unravel the situation that Finn had got himself in.

Finn walked down the corridor, and made his way back to the waiting room. His head was spinning. Did he say too much? Did he say too little? Was that Craig waiting for him to slip up? As Finn turned the corner he seen James looking down at his phone. Finn walked over and James looked up. "How did it go?", James asked, Finn just nodded. "I just want to go home."

James understood, and led Finn out to the car. Finn was silent the whole way home, and James didn't want to ask Finn how it went as he'd probably had too many questions asked. However James couldn't resist. "How did it go?", James asked treading carefully. "Yeah it was fine", Finn replied and James was amazed.

He wasn't expecting a reply from Finn and as they pulled up outside the house, James had a feeling that they would be in for an easier night. They walked inside and Finn went straight upstairs, while James went into the kitchen and found Ross. "How was it?", Ross asked and James nodded. "You know what, I think it went quite well."

 **Thank you for reading and please review, the next update should be Sunday :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for reading and as promised here is the second chapter.**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 15:

Ross and James sat downstairs , both thinking about Finn. "I'm heading out into the village later, I was gonna see if Finn wanted to come with me", Ross said finishing off his cup of tea. "Where abouts would you go?", James asked. "Dunno, the shop, the farm to see Pete or just have general wonder, cos I mean he hasn't been out in weeks has he dad", Ross said hoping James would agree with him.

"Yeah alright then, but if he wants to come back, you bring him straight home" , James said sternly, Ross nodded then stood up and made his way upstairs to Finn's room. Ross knocked on the door and waited for Finn to respond. "What", Finn said from inside his room.

Ross walked in and found Finn lying on his bed with the curtains shut. Ross walked over to the curtains and opened them, earning a groan from Finn. "You mister need to get out for a bit", Ross said sitting by Finn on his bed. "I'm going out in the village later and I was wondering if you wanted to come?", Ross asked, praying that Finn would say yes. "No", Finn replied sharply.

"Ah come on, we could just go down to the farm and see Pete, and we don't have to stop and talk to anyone", Ross said persuasively. "Yeah, but people are going to ask where I've been", Finn said and buried his head in his pillow. Ross sighed, "exactly, the longer you hide away, the more questions they're gonna ask. Come on Finn, anytime you wanna come back home, you can", Ross said hoping he'd finally got through to Finn. "Fine, I'll come", Finn sat getting up off his bed then reaching for his jacket and shoes.

"Yes Finn! You also might want to have something to eat before we go", Ross said and Finn just frowned. "I'm not hungry, and anyways I'm coming with you what more do you want", Finn said walking out of the room, followed by a slightly bemused looking Ross. "We're off!", Ross called as he and Finn left the house.

As they stepped outside the cool breeze hit Finn hard and Ross noticed this. "You alright?", he asked, Finn just nodded and walked on with Ross. Finn felt weird walking through the village, like he wasn't supposed to be there, like be didn't fit in. He could sense that people were looking at him, staring at him but he tried his best to ignore them.

As him and Ross neared the farm, Finn could hear the sound of a tractor. They turned the corner and it was Zak who was driving the tractor, however he stopped when he seen Finn. "Just keep walking", Ross said to Finn, he could sense Finn was starting to freak out. They walked in the direction of the fields and that was when they saw Pete.

"Alright mate?", Pete asked Finn. Finn just shrugged and carried on watching the ground. "Do you two wanna come inside and I can make us a brew?", Pete asked, Ross nodded and started to follow him however Finn didn't, he just kept staring at the spot on the ground. "Finn", Pete said snapping Finn up and getting his attention. "We're about to go inside for a brew", Pete said and Finn nodded following both his brothers back into butler's farm.

As the brothers sat inside, they were lost on what to say. It was like they wanted to talk about yesterday, except no one could form the right words. As they sat in silence, still nobody had said a word. "How was yesterday?", Pete asked who was just staring down at his mug.

"Yeah, it was fine", Finn replied, he was starting to regret going with Ross add he should of known it would just be questions. "We better be off" Ross said looking at his watch. He stood up and Finn copied what he was he doing. "I'll see you tonight", he said to Finn who was just unresponsive.

As they were walking back through the village, Ross and Finn were silent. They turned the corner and walked past the woolpack. Suddenly Finn stopped and stared straight ahead of himself. "What's the matter?", Ross asked before looked where Finn was looking and knew it wasn't good. Standing opposite Finn, just down the road, was Eric.

 **Thank you so much for reading, please review I would love to know what you think of this story :)**

 **The next update will nd Sunday, so I'll see you then**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you so much to CBloom2 and Chloe67, your reviews always make me smile and I would also like to thank everyone that has read this as it now has over 1,000 views :)**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 16:

Standing opposite Finn, just down the road, was Eric. Finn's heart stopped, this is exactly why he didn't want to go out. Now Eric, was going to say it was Finn's fault and everyone was going to believe it, then they were all going to hate him. "Finn", Ross said, "Finn", he said again shaking his brother and bringing him back from his thoughts.

"Finn it's alright your with me, he's not gonna or say anything unless he wants a smack", Ross said reassuring Finn, except it didn't work and Finn still didn't move. "Look, let's just hope that Eric's in a good mood and walk past him, yeah", Ross said slightly pushing Finn so that he would walk home.

Ross knew Finn didn't want to walk home, but they had no choice and all they could do was hope Eric was in a good mood. Unfortunately for Finn and Ross, Eric was in a bad mood and as Finn hasn't been in work for weeks Eric has a few things he'd like to say.

As Ross and Finn got closer to Eric, they could see that he having an argument with David, this meant he was in a bad mood. Finn's heart was beating loud in his chest and he wouldn't be surprised if Ross could hear it. They nearer and nearer, then to Finn's dismay his Eric's eye met.

Eric turned around and his eyes met with Finn's. Finn stopped deaf on the spot. Ross saw this and tried to get Finn to move but he wouldn't. "Oh look here he is, the time waster, the pitcher, you do have a job you know!", Eric shouted across the street at Finn.

Finn just stared at the floor, he couldn't look Eric in the eye. David was looking at him now and Eric had attracted a crowd. "Come on Finn, we're waiting, where have you been?", Eric asked again and it was obvious he was drunk. Finn was close to tears now and all he wanted was for this 'nightmare' to end.

By this time Ross had had enough. "Right, why don't you just shut your mouth, hasn't Finn been through enough!", Ross shouted angrily. Eric's eyes widened, "what has Finn been through?" Ross shook his head, "well, he was involved in the helicopter crash, he's just lost Val and now he's got you having a go at him!"

Finn had had enough, "I am here you know!", he shouted with tears in his eyes. "Now he speaks", Eric said sharply. "I don't need you, all of you, looking at me. I know that all of what you is true, so just leave me alone!", Finn shouted tears streaming down his face.

After saying this Finn stormed off home with Ross hot on his heels. "Finn, Finn, just slow down", Ross said stopping Finn by putting his hand on Finn's shoulder. As Finn stopped he turned round and sobbed into Ross's shoulder. "Let's get you home", Ross said guiding Finn back home.

As they walked in through the door, Pete and James were sitting on the sofa, except they jumped to their feet when they seen what state Finn was in. "What happened?", James asked an unresponsive Finn. "What did you?", Pete asked Ross, who looked shocked that Pete would even think that. "Eric", Ross replied and James and Pete knew what this meant.

While Pete was sitting with Finn in the living room, Ross and James were talking in the hallway. "What really happened?", James asked determined to know the truth. , "as we were walking back, Eric was in the street shouting at David. Eric then started shouting at Finn, then I shouted at Eric. However, then Finn stepped in saying to Eric that everything he said was true, and then he just stormed off."

James sighed, frustrated with the situation. Finn's counselling session seemed to of gone ok and now everything in Finn's world had just tipped upside down, again. He hoped that Pete would be able to get something out of him, otherwise James didn't know what to do.

"Do you wanna talk about it?", Pete asked a shaken up Finn. Finn just shook his head, his hands still trembling. "I just want to go to bed", Finn said getting up from his seat and walking past his dad and Ross, to go upstairs. Once Finn was in his room, he flopped down on his bed and cried. He cried because he had messed everything up, he cried because his life was a mess and he cried because he had completely lost control.

Downstairs none of the bartons had moved, they were all still listening to Finn crying and all desperately trying to think of a way to help him before it got too late.

 **Thank you for reading, please review :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Again thank you so much to CBloom2 and Chloe67 for reviewing, whenever I read them they make me smile and I'm glad you're both still enjoying the story :)**

Chapter 17:

Finn looked at his clock, it said 5am and he'd been awake all night. The things that Eric had said to him kept on going round his head, everyone's pitying looks didn't help either. Finn tried to figure out how he had got into this mess, except he was too tired and just ended up giving himself a headache.

Finn felt like giving up, he had nothing and everything that he did, he always felt bad after. He knew that his dad and brothers were just trying to help, except they weren't and making Finn go to all of the counselling was just making him feel worse. Finn knew what he had to do, except he would have to wait until the end of the day.

By the time it reached 7am, Finn had had enough. He stumbled out of bed, grabbing a blanket, went downstairs and then he crashed down on the sofa. He hadn't slept all night and he knew he wasn't going to be able to get any throughout the day, not with all the questions his dad and brothers were going to be asking him.

Upstairs James lay awake listening to the sound of Finn going downstairs. He was worried about his youngest, he wasn't eating, wasn't talking and by the sounds of it he wasn't sleeping. James contemplated whether to go down and see Finn, then he wondered if Ross was awake. He decided to go downstairs and check on him, just to make sure he was alright. After all, it's what dads do.

Ross lay in his bed and listened to his dad get up and go downstairs. Ross wondered whether he should go, but he didn't want to bombard Finn, not at 7am. He then thought about Pete, about how maybe they should pull together to help Finn. Ross couldn't believe he was thinking this, thinking about making peace and pulling together to help someone.

When James for downstairs he spotted Finn lying on the sofa staring into space. "You alright?", he asked, walking up to Finn who didn't answer. He crouched down so he was level with him. "Finn", James said gently shaking his son. "Just leave me alone", Finn whispered. James sighed, "now why would use wanna do that." Finn just kept staring straight ahead, not even looking at his dad, "because I'm not worth your time."

James frowned at this and it just made him even more concerned. He decided that today, Finn wasn't going to be left alone, just to make sure he was alright. "Do you wang something to eat?", James asked. Finn shook his head. "Well I'm making breakfast anyways, so I'll make you something as well", James said refusing to let Finn go hungry.

10 minutes later Ross arrived downstairs, "alright Finn?", he asked walking past him and completely avoiding the subject of 'what happened yesterday'. Ross walked into the kitchen where his dad was making Finn's breakfast. "How is he?", Ross asked. James sighed, "not good. Listen, I don't want him left on his own today, I want someone with him, just to make sure he's alright."

As James said this Ross nodded, understanding where he was coming from. Ross wouldn't want Finn to be alone, and Pete would feel them same. "Is Pete coming round?", Ross asked. "Yeah he is, why?", James asked starting to get suspicious. Ross never asked if Pete was coming round, or if he did, he used it as an excuse to go somewhere.

"It's just I wanna ask him something", Ross said trying not make his dad suspicious. "Oh yeah, what?", his dad asked. Ross sighed, "I'm going to ask him to move in", Ross said, "it was supposed to be a surprise." James smiled, "the only good thing that's came out of all of this, is you seem to have had a personality change." Ross blushed, he couldn't actually believe that his dad had just said that.

Ross walked back through into the living room, holding 2 plates and sitting down next to Finn giving him one. "I'm not hungry Ross", Finn said again, except Ross ignored him. As Ross sat next to Finn eating his breakfast and watching the tv, Finn just sat there staring at his plate but not eating any of it. James watched on in the kitchen, he watched Finn and tried to remember when he became so closed up and set up a brick wall between him and everyone else.

The sound of the door opening pulled James from his thoughts and when he looked who it was, he realised it was Pete. "How is he?", Pete asked James, looking at Finn. "Not good", James said, "I'm off upstairs to get ready and I think he wants to talk to you", James said looking at Ross, then going upstairs.

After James had gone upstairs, Ross jumped to his feet and grabbed his chance. "I need to talk you", Ross said walking up to Pete and gesturing for him to come upstairs. As the boys made their way upstairs, they both seemed to forget about Finn, who by that time had already bolted out the door.

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 **See you next chapter :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you so much to Chloe67 and CBloom2 for your reviews, every time I read them they make me smile so I hope you both enjoy this chapter :)**

 **TRIGGER: this chapter includes mentions of suicide, if you feel you may be affected please don't feel like you have to read this.**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 18:

Finn ran through the village, he didn't know where he was going or what he was doing; he just wanted to get away. To get away from his home, his family but more importantly his thoughts. The thoughts that plagued him day and night, the feelings that were always there and never went away no matter what he tried.

Finn carried on running until he was out into a country field, far the village. He then stopped, gasping for breath, and fell the ground. He lay there crying, his whole life was a mess, he'd lost control and everyone thought he was a mad man. There was nothing anyone could do to help him, nothing, or at least that's what Finn thought.

James made his way downstairs, he going out to the shop and he was going to ask Finn if he wanted anything, that's if Finn was downstairs. James walked into the living room and froze; Finn wasn't there. "Ross, Pete get down here now!", James screamed up the stairs. Ross and Pete casually made their way down the stairs ready what ever lecture their dad was about to give them.

"Where's Finn?", James asked sternly and the brothers could tell that whatever James was about to tell them wasn't good. "He's in the living room", Ross said. James shook his head, "yeah well he's not there now." Ross and Pete looked at each other, shock written across both their faces. "Well we need to find him then", Pete said already making his way out the door, followed by his dad and Ross.

Finn lay in the field and stared up at the sky, he had to move otherwise someone would. Finn slowly got up and staggered through the field. He stumbled and cried, groaned and moaned and yelled and shouted. He wanted all the thoughts and feelings to go. He wanted to feel numb, to feel nothing. Everywhere he went, everything that he did, he always felt guilty and it didn't matter how many times someone told him it wasn't his fault, Finn's guilt just wouldn't go away.

As Finn made it towards the end of the field he spotted a bridge, a quiet peaceful bridge, Finn knew he had found the answer to all his problems. As he staggered towards it Finn knew what he was going to do. He was going to take his own life.

"Right me and Ross will take the car, you look round the village", Pete instructed, James and Ross both agreed. James walked off into the village and Ross got into the car with Pete. "We do you think he'll be?", Ross asked and Pete shrugged. "I don't know", he replied, "we've just got to look everywhere." The brothers drove out of the village in search of their little brother, praying that nothing had happened to him.

As James hurried into the village he was constantly on the lookout for Finn. He looked around the back of buildings and in people's windows, he didn't care if he looked weird all James cared about was finding Finn and he wasn't going to stop until he did. James walked into the B&B and spotted Tracey cleaning the tables.

"Have you seen Finn?", James asked rather panicked. "No I haven't, in fact I haven't seen Finn for weeks, you wanna tell me where he is", Tracey said and James just shook his head. "Never mind", he said turning around and walking back out sighing to himself. "Well thanks for the answer then!", Tracey shouted sarcastically.

James walked in the pub where he spotted Emma. "Have you seen Finn?", he asked walking over to her. "No I haven't, and it seems these days I never see him because you've got him locked up in the house!", Emma said sharply. "You didn't answer my question, now have you seen him or not?", James asked again, this time getting frustrated.

"No i haven't!" Why what's happened?", Emma asked getting quite concerned. "Nothing", James said bathing out of the pub. "Everything alright?", Chas asked from behind the bar. "Fine!", James shouted.

"Oh where is he?", Ross groaned looking out the window for any sign of Finn. Him and Pete had been driving for 20 minutes without any sign of Finn. "Hold on, what's that?", Ross asked as Pete slowed down. He'd spotted a man that looked like Finn standing on a bridge. "Oh my god", Pete said in barely a whisper. "Drive!", Ross shouted and and Pete raced down the road.

The car screeched as it arrived at the bridge and when both men looked, they realised it was definitely Finn. Ross quickly got out the car and made his way cautiously over to Finn. While Pete sat in the car and rang their dad, "dad you're gonna want to get down here, fast."

 **Thank you for reading, please review as I would love to hear your thoughts. :)**

 **I'm changing the way i update so from today there will be a new update every Friday and Monday**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you so much for the reviews, they mean so much and are always appreciated.**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 19:

Ross quickly got out the car and made his way cautiously over to Finn. While Pete sat in the car and rang their dad, "dad you're gonna want to get down here, fast."

"Finn what are you doing?", Ross asked his brother who was currently standing on the edge of a bridge. Ross was terrified, no way did he think Finn had got this bad. He knew Pete was in the car ringing their dad, which meant all Ross had to do was stop Finn from jumping off the bridge; that was easier said than done. All Ross could think about was if Finn even took one step, then he would almost certainly be dead. Then Ross realised that he shouldn't be thinking, no, he should be talking, talking to his little brother who was about to take his own life.

"Finn can you come away from the edge?", Ross asked trying not to let his voice shake. Finn shook his head, but he didn't speak. Ross looked to his right to see Pete still on the phone, but watching carefully. "Finn do you wanna tell me why you're hear", Ross said hoping Finn would at least say something.

"It's my fault Ross, everything is my fault", Finn said evidently crying. "What's your fault Finn?", Ross asked desperate for Pete to come and help him. "Everything, the helicopter crash, Val dying, you and Pete constantly falling out just everything!", Finn shouted ans Ross looked at his broken baby brother trying to hold back his tears.

In that moment it seemed like Ross's prayers were answered as Pete finished his conversation with James as he got out of the car and made his way over to Ross. "Finn why don't you come down eh", Pete suggested equally as scared as Ross. "No Pete! This makes them go away", Finn said. "Makes what go away?", Pete asked. "The thoughts the feelings, everything I don't want to think and feel!" Ross and Pete looked at each other unsure of what to do next.

James was on his way back home when he received the phone call from Pete. He was shocked because from what Pete had it said sounded like Finn was trying to commit suicide. As soon as James had heard this he jumped straight into his car and drove to the bridge.

James was worried, seriously worried. Finn seemed to have hit rock bottom and James hadn't noticed. He felt like he had failed Finn, failed Finn as a father. He was always busy with Pete or Ross when he was younger and never really gave Finn that much attention. Then when Finn always asked about his mum, James would never answer him. James blamed himself for Finn and he knew he always would.

"Finn please can you come away, we can talk about it", Ross said pleading with Finn. As he said this James turned up. The brakes on the car screeched and James darted out. "What's happened?", James looking at Finn who was standing on the edge of the bridge.

"We were driving when Ross saw Finn on the bridge, we've drove over and found him like this", Pete explained and James nodded. "Have you called an ambulance?", James asked and Ross frowned. "Why would we call an ambulance?", he asked. "Because Ross, Finn is about to jump off a bridge. He needs urgent medical attention", James spat. "I'll go and call one now", Pete said walking off to the side.

"Finn it's dad mate, do you want to come down?", James asked and by now Finn had had enough. "If anyone else asks me a question I will jump!", Finn shouted tears streaming down his face. "I just want it all to go away, and this is the only way!", Finn sobbed. James was heartbroken, is this really how Finn had ended up.

"Right the ambulance should be here in a few minutes", Pete said as he walked back over to James and Ross. "Right we just need to keep him talking", James said looking at Ross. "Well what do you want me to say?", Ross asked but then he thought of something. "Look Finn, if you come down now then we can you help, proper help. Help that will stop all of these thoughts and feelings", Ross said trying to persuade Finn.

In the distance they could hear the ambulance sirens and then before they knew it the ambulance had arrived. Finn didn't seem to register that the ambulance had arrived and this worried the Bartons. The paramedics walked over and introduced themselves. They were called, John and Matt. James, Pete and Ross informed the paramedics on everything that had happened and then the paramedics told them what was going to happen.

"Right all of us are going to try and get Finn to come down. Me and Matt will be at the front and then you three can be behind us. Once Finn has came down, presuming he does, we will take him to hospital in the ambulance where he will be assessed to see how much of a risk he is", John explained and Bartons nodded.

"Finn my name's John and I'm a paramedic, me and my friend Matt are here to help", John started to explain and he noticed that Finn didn't react. "Finn I'm Matt, do want to come down so we can you to the hospital", Matt said and still no respond from Finn. "Finn please, all they want to is help", James said desperate for his son to come down.

Finn choked on a sob. He didn't want to get down, but then deep down he didn't want to die. However he didn't want to feel the way he was feeling. He was confused, scared, worried, angry, frustrated and terrified all at the same time. He was contemplating getting down, but then he thought it was a bad idea. Finn just didn't know.

The Bartons watched on praying that Finn would come down. They all blamed themselves. James should of been there more, Pete should of listened more and Ross should of talked more. In that second they prayed and it seemed their prayers were answered. Finn stepped down.

 **Thank you much for reading, please review :)**

 **The next update should be Friday**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm so sorry that this is late, I had a bit of writers block trying to do this**

 **Again thank you to Chloe67 and CBloom2 for revieqing, they always make me smile and can't thank you enough for your support :)**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 20:

As soon as Finn stepped down James was by his side and embraced him in a hug. The paramedics guided them over to ambulance, to get Finn to hospital as soon as possible. As Finn was going into the ambulance James turned round to speak to his other sons. "I'm going to go with him you two just follow, here are my keys", he said throwing his keys at Pete and then getting in the ambulance.

As the ambulance drove away Pete and Ross couldn't believe what had just witnessed. It broke their hearts to see their little brother like that. The pair of them stood their silent for what felt like forever, until Ross walked slowly over to his car followed by Pete who had walked over to their dad's car. "See you there", Pete said ans Ross nodded before getting in the car and driving off with Pete right behind him.

The ambulance was tense. Finn sat awkwardly on the bed while he is dad sat at his side and one of the paramedics, Matt, who was checking him over. He started to explain what was going to happen next.

"Right so when we reach the hospital, we're going to take you into cubicles and get you settled", Matt explained to Finn. "We've called ahead and they know that you're on your way. They have arranged a psych assessment to happen, this will assess your mental health. You will also have a physical assessment, to assess your physical health", he continued but Finn didn't look like he was paying attention.

"Finn, are you listening?", Matt asked gently as James leaned forward and put a hand on Finn's shoulder. "Finn", James said calmly. Finn still didn't respond. This frustrated James, but he knew he couldn't take it out on Finn. All he wanted for Finn to be Finn again.

They arrived at the hospital and Finn was wheeled inside by Matt and John, with James by his side. As they went through the doors they were greeted by two doctors, both male, one had brown hair styled upwards and he was wearing navy blue scrubs. The other man had blonde hair brushed over to the side, he was wearing green scrubs and was taller.

"Right what have we got here?", the brown haired one asked as John handed the blonde haired doctor a file. "This is Finn, he's a 23 year old male, attempted to take his own life by jumping off a bridge. Didn't jump but was having suicidal thoughts. Heart rate 100 so slight tachycardia, BP 80/40, which is low and conscious but unresponsive", Matt informed the brown haired doctor.

They wheeled Finn into resus and got him on to the bed, the doctors nodded their thanks to the paramedics and James shook their hands before they walked off. "Right then Finn, by name is Scott and I'm a doctor in emergency medicine here and I also specialise in suicide attempts", the brown haired doctor explained. "And I'm Josh", the blonde one said, "I'm also a doctor in emergency medicine and I deal with suicide attempts."

Scott and Josh got to work by attaching the heart rate and blood pressure monitor to Finn. They also assessed him for any physical reasons. What both doctors was that Finn seemed extremely light and as Scott put a stethoscope to his chest, he realised how thin Finn was. "We'll be back in a minute", Scott said as he gestured for Josh to follow him.

As the doctors were outside resus they began to talk. "He seems very thin", Scott said and Josh nodded. "Do you think it's an eating disorder?", Josh asked knowing that it would be live he first question asked. "I don't know, we haven't had a chance to talk to him yet", Scott said. They both agreed to back in and talk to Finn then decide on whether he required an urgent psych assessment.

Pete and Ross arrived at the hospital at roughly the same time, they burst straight into the waiting room and walked up to the reception desk. "Our brother Finn was brought in about 30 minutes ago, where is he?", Ross asked quite sharply and the reception is looked taken aback. "Look basically can you just point us in the right direction please?", Pete asked more calmly and the reception began looking on her computer for Finn's name.

Around the corner Scott appeared after hearing all the noise. "Are you Finn Barton's family?", he asked. "Yeah, where is he?", Ross asked leaping straight in. "If you just follow me", he said as Ross and Pete followed him into the cubicles where they had moved Finn.

As Pete and Ross entered the cubicle where Finn was they seen another doctor reading a file and their dad sitting beside Finn. Finn sat there on the bed, emotionless and still, just staring ahead. Ross hugged and Pete squeezed his hand. But Finn didn't do anything.

In that moment Scott walked in and the family stopped and faced him. "Right then Finn, I think it's time we had a little chat", Scott said. At this, Finn's head snapped up and his eyes filled with fear.

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 **The next update should be Monday so see you next chapter :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you so much to Chloe67 and Gillian Kearney Fan for reviewing, it means a lot :)**

 **Chloe67- do you have an account because I would like to PM you :)**

Chapter 21:

In that moment Scott walked in and the family stopped and faced him. "Right then Finn, I think it's time we had a little chat", Scott said. At this, Finn's head snapped up and his eyes filled with fear.

"Finn we've found that you have a low bodyweight for someone of your age and height and we were wondering if you have any idea why", Scott explained. As he said this the Bartons looked at each other trying to work why all of a sudden Finn's weight had become a cause for concern.

"How often do you eat Finn?", Scott asked and James scoffed. "I eat all the time", Finn said and James shook his head. "Mr Barton, is there something you like to add?", Scott asked noticing that James was shaking his head. "Yeah, Finn seems to be a feeling a little down and doesn't really eat because he says he's not hungry", James said and Scott nodded and looked over at Josh. "When you say 'feeling a little down', what do you mean by that?", Josh asked.

"A while ago Finn was involved in a helicopter crash at his brothers wedding. A close friend of his was killed and her husband blamed Finn. Ever since he hasn't been the same. We took him to the doctors and they referred him to a counsellor. He's only had one session, the second was supposed to be today but obviously things didn't go to plan", James said as Scott wrote it all down.

"Right so, did this counsellor talk to you about any treatment, Finn?", Scott asked and Finn shook his head. "He just asked me some questions", Finn said and Scott wrote this down. "Me and Josh will be back in a second", Scott said as he and Josh left the Bartons.

This then left Ross, Pete, James and Finn alone. Pete, Ross and James were either standing or sitting around the bed, while Finn sat on the bed his knees close to his chest with his arms resting on them.

Finn couldn't believe what was happening. Everyone was fussing over something, that to him didn't matter. All he wanted was for people to leave him alone, fat chance of that happening. He had his dad and his brothers constantly watching him.

Pete's head was spinning. The past few hours were a complete blur. He was shocked, confused, he had so many questions to ask and he wanted to know what was going on inside Finn's head.

Ross was still puzzled by his the whole situation and couldn't help but slightly blame himself. If him and Pete hadn't left Finn, they wouldn't of been in the situation they were in. Ross couldn't understand what Finn thought he had done wrong. Fair enough, when he'd asked his dad this his dad had told him that mental health affects people in different ways and maybe this is how it affects Finn. To Ross, that sort out made sense.

James couldn't believe what was happening. His son had just tired to end his own life by jumping off a bridge, it just didn't seem real. He could tell that the doctors were concerned; they were asking lots of questions and writing lots of stuff down. James also noticed that they seemed to be concerned about Finn's weight, but he just shrugged this off.

"What do you think then?", Josh asked Scott as they were at the nurse's station. "To be honest, I still don't know", Scott said. "There's definitely something going on in his head, he's just not telling us", he said and Josh nodded. "So what do suggest we do then", Josh asked. "I think we keep him for the next few days, just to keep an eye on him. We'll move on the ward and explain the situation the them", Scott explained and him and Josh headed back to tell Finn the decision.

"So Finn, we've decided to keep you in for a few days just to keep an eye on you as there's a few things that are concerning us. We're going to move you on to the ward and then we'll take it from there", Scott said. Finn's heart sunk, now everyone was going to crowd him. This was Finn's worst nightmare.

 **Thank so much for reading, please review :)**

 **Next chapter should be Friday or Saturday, so see you then :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you so much for the reviews, they always mean a lot ;)**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

 **TRIGGER: this includes mentions of eating disorders, if you feel you might be affected please don't read it :)**

Chapter 22:

Finn had been moved on to the ward only 30 minutes ago; he still didn't feel any better. He'd been told that he'd meet some staff in a bit, but he didn't know want to. Finn had lost control of his life, he was to blame for Val. He always had been and always would be.

"Right then, this is yours", James said handing a Finn a coffee and a sandwich. "I'm not hungry", Finn said rolling over in his bed, he didn't deserve the coffee and sandwich just like Val didn't deserve to die. James sighed and sat down. "Pete and Ross have gone to collect your things, doctor reckons you'll be here for about 3 days", James said and Finn beat himself up inside.

Finn didn't want to be there and he didn't ask to be there, so he couldn't understand why he was there. As far as he was concerned everything that was happening was fine, because he deserved it.

James was worried about Finn. Every time the doctors had spoken to them he'd always take note of everything they said. He could tell they were worried; that was made certain by the fact they were keeping Finn in for a few days. He had been told that the doctors would be along in a few minutes, and he wanted them to hurry up.

The sooner they found out what was wrong with Finn, the sooner they could start to get him better. James just hoped that they would be able to get Finn better.

Finn lay back on his bed and sighed. Ross and Pete would be back any second and that meant that his talk with the doctors was even closer. He noticed they his dad had disappeared to go and speak to the doctors, probably one of the ones he was going to meet.

Finn was right, his dad was talking to Dr. Moore, Dr. Campbell about Finn and what was going to happen to Finn. "Now Mr. Barton, we don't want you to panic or be surprised if it turns out that Finn had an eating disorder", Dr. Moore said and James didn't quite understand.

"Hang on, what do you mean an eating disorder?", James asked, "I thought Finn just had some form of depression." Dr. Campbell nodded. "Yes depression can link into the eating disorders, but Finn's weight, blood pressure and heart rate suggest that he does have an eating disorder", he said and James shook his head.

"Look we aren't saying he definitely has one, we're just going by what the physical assessment says and what we've been told. Please try not to worry", Dr. Moore said. James nodded and smiled before walking away back to Finn.

When James got back he found Finn sitting on top of the covers with Pete and Ross sitting with him. It looked like they were having some sort of conversation. James hoped Finn would still be in a good-ish mood when the doctors spoke to him, otherwise thinks would go badly.

10 minutes later the Bartons were all gathered by Finn waiting for the doctors. They'd been over once and said they just had to pick up a file and then they'd be back. To be honest Finn didn't want them to come back but he knew he didn't have a choice. However when he'd briefly seen them, they looked alright.

Two male doctors, both looked late 20s maybe early 30s and they seemed like nice people. "Right them Finn, let's get started", Dr. Moore said as he arrived at Finn's bed along with Dr. Campbell.

"My name is Dr. Campbell but you can call me Luke and this Dr. Moore", he said pointing to Dr. Moore, "but you can call him Charlie." Finn nodded to show that he was listening but he didn't say anything. "We're both doctor's who specialize in adult health and the mental health of adult males", he said.

As he said this Finn flinched, he didn't want to be classified as having mental health. However he had a feeling that he already was being classified. Both doctors seemed nice, Luke was wearing black skinny jeans and a white shirt while Charlie was wearing a black shirt tugged into a pair of chinos.

"Finn recently we've noticed that your losing weight for no apparent reason", Luke said sitting down the bed. "Now do you have any idea why this might be?", he asked. "We know that you haven't had an easy time lately, we just think it might be connected", Charlie suggested and Finn shook his head.

"No there not connected", Finn said. When he said this it intrigued the doctors, Finn seemed sure they weren't connected but all the other clues pointed towards them being connected. "How do you know that Finn?", Luke asked wanting to know more.

"I just do", Finn replied, cursing himself saying what he said. "Look Finn we don't want to worry you but we think that you have an eating disorder", Luke said. Finn's eyes widened, Ross and Pete looked at each other both shocked by what Luke has just. Finn couldn't have an eating disorder, he just couldn't.

 **Thank you so much for reading, please review :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Thank you to Chloe67 and Gillian Kearney Fan for reviewing and yes Emma is included in this chapter :)**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 23:

Finn sat there just too shocked to speak. He couldn't have an eating disorder, he just didn't deserve to eat not after all the hurt he'd caused. Finn didn't see that as an eating disorder. He could tell that his brothers were shocked, they hadn't moved or said anything. Finn just hoped that they didn't hate him; in Finn's eyes there was nothing wrong with him.

"Do you reckon me and Finn can have a conversation on our own?", Luke asked the other Bartons. "Charlie can take you down to the relatives room, I would like speak to Finn on his own", Luke said. He knew that Finn was more likely to open up when his family weren't there so he thought he should give it a try.

James nodded and squeezed Finn's shoulder as he left, then Ross ruffled his hair as he walked past and Pete shot Finn a reassuring smile. They followed Charlie down the corridor and to the relatives room. That left Finn with Luke, Finn had a feeling that this wasn't going to go well.

"Finn, I want you to know that you can tell me what's on your mind", Luke said. "Well there's no point because there is nothing on my mind", Finn said. "Look I only want to find out what prompted you to try and take your own life and why your weight has dramatically gone down", Luke said and Finn turned his head away.

"Do you mind if I weigh you Finn?", Luke asked, treading carefully. Finn nodded taking off his hoodie that Ross had brought for him. When Pete and Ross had came they'd also brought Finn tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt so that's what Finn was wearing. As Finn stepped on the scales, Luke was shocked by what he saw.

Pete, Ross and James sat in silence in the relatives room. "Finn can't have an eating disorder", Ross said, breaking the silence. "Well he might, we don't know what goes on in his head", Pete said, he was heartbroken by what Finn was going through. "Yeah but it would be a weird if he did have one, I mean he looks fine", Ross said, slightly annoying Pete.

"That's not the point I'm making", Pete said starting to get frustrated. He just couldn't understand why Ross was asking so many questions. "Enough, both of you", James said. "If he does have an eating disorder then we, and I mean all of us, will support him and help him recover", he said, Ross and Pete both nodded understanding what James was saying.

Finn sat back down on the bed, putting his hoodie back on while Luke wrote something down in his file. "Right then, it appears than in last few weeks you've lost 1 stone and 7 pounds", Luke said. He knew this was bad, Finn's physical health had just got worse and no doubt his mental health was slowly getting worse.

"I spoke to your dad earlier, he said he's rang your mum and she might be coming to see you", Luke said and Finn nodded. "Do you think you're ready to tell me why you tried to take your own life?", Luke asked. Finn didn't respond, he just stared straight ahead. "You know your not the only person who's came here in your situation", Luke said and again Finn nodded.

"Everyday, I see young men like yourself come here, struggling. Struggling with their thoughts, feelings and emotions. I've seen men who are depressed, who have schizophrenia; young men like yourself who are battling some kind of eating disorder", Luke said trying to get Finn to understand. "If you talk to me now then we can get you help, but if don't you'll just go down the route of seeing every single health professional until there's nothing more we can do for you." Finn still didn't say anything, he just looked down playing with the cuffs of his hoodie. Luke sighed he knew he fighting a losing battle.

"Look Finn, it's been a long day. I'm going to go and get your family and then get you a meal sheet, we'll talk more tomorrow", Luke said before leaving to go and get Finn's family.

Finn put his head back against the headrest and sighed. He didn't know what was happening anymore, it was like he'd just been trapped and his whole world had just came crashing down. The problem was, Finn didn't see what he was doing to himself. In his eyes he didn't need help, and his mental health was perfectly fine. At least that's what he thought.

Luke sighed and sat down at the nurse's station, writing something down in Finn's file. Finn had a weight of 9 and a half stone, which for someone of his height wasn't healthy. His BMI was low at 15.8 and this worried Luke. What also worried him was the fact that Finn didn't recognise that he had a problem.

"What you pondering?", Charlie asked as he arrived at the nurse's station. "Finn", Luke said. "Why, what's happened?", Charlie asked. "I weighed him; he's 9 and a half stone, which for someone of his height gives him a BMI of 15.8", Luke said and Charlie knew that was bad.

"Also in 2 days we need to make the decision of whether to discharge Finn and just inform his counsellor of what's happened, or do we refer Finn to adult services where he'll get a full psych assessment", Luke said clearly struggling. "I think we should just wait and see", Charlie said.

"Yeah, I better go and speak to his family", Luke said, before getting up and heading off to the relatives room.

"So what else have they told you?", Emma asked. She had came to the hospital as soon as James had rang her saying that Finn was in hospital after trying to take his own life. "Look Emma, I think you should prepare yourself", James said. "Prepare myself for what?", she asked confusion in her voice. "We think Finn's has an eating disorder", James said, regrettably. Emma gasped, "he's got a what?"

 **Thank you for reading, sorry for the delay in updating, next update should be around Wednesday, reviews are appreciated :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	24. Chapter 24

**Thank you so much to Chloe67 and craddock6496 for reviewing. I love reading them and they keep me going to write more of this story :)**

 **TRIGGER: this chapter contains mentions of eating disorders, if you feel you may be affected pleas don't feel like you have to read :)**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 24:

"We think Finn has an eating disorder", James said, regrettably. Emma gasped, "he's got a what?"

Emma couldn't believe what James had just said, how did Finn have an eating disorder. She thought Finn was more depressed than anything, shows how wrong she was. To be honest Emma was shocked, emotional and she felt guilty. Guilty, because she was a nurse and she didn't realise that something was going on with Finn. This then pushed him to try and take his own life. Was Finn really that desperate?

Luke made his way to relatives room, drawing a rough plan in his head of everything he needed to say. Luke seen people like Finn everyday, but there was something about Finn that intrigued him. Finn, like most people with eating disorders denied he had a problem, but with Finn when you spoke to him he didn't seem to panic or stress, he just didn't really answer the question.

Luke knocked on the door and walked into the relatives room. "Sorry to keep you waiting and you must be Finn's mum?", he asked Emma who nodded as he sat down. "How is he?", Emma asked, clearly worried about her son. "The boys said he had some kind of eating disorder, is this true?" Luke put his hands up just to stop Emma's rambling.

"We do think Finn has an eating disorder" Luke said. "Now at the minute we are trying to find out what has triggered this. Over the next 3 days we're going to monitor how much Finn eats and what his mental health is like. From there we will either discharge Finn and he'll carry on seeing his counsellor, who we have or already notified. Or, we think it is too much of risk and we refer him to adult services."

As Luke said this the Bartons all processed the information. None of them could really believe what had just happened in the past 24 hours. They knew Finn's life would never be the same, not after what had happened. They just hoped that Finn would be able to move on.

"Now what we will ask is if Finn is discharged, that you keep an eye on what he eats. Don't pressure him or force him just take a note of how much he eats" Luke said and James nodded. "Hang on, what do you mean don't force him. If he's not eating surely we should make sure he is" Emma said confused at why the hospital weren't taking much action.

"Mum, leave it" Pete said not in the mood for his mum sticking her nose in. "No it's alright" Luke said turning to face Emma. "At the minute we want to assess Finn's situation. This means seeing how much he eats, then we can go from there for getting Finn help. As I said, I've already informed his counsellor and he will talk to Finn and then will report to us if there is anything to be concerned about." Emma and James both nodded. "Thank you."

 _2 days later:_

Finn had hated the last two days. There was constantly someone next to his bed, whether it be his family or a doctor. Finn knew that today was it. The day they decided whether Finn was going to be discharged or refered and Finn was praying that he was going to be discharged.

"How you feeling about today?" Finn sighed, out of all his family Ross had been the one constantly there; Finn didn't like it. He knew for fact that even when got home, people would still watch him, they would be constantly on his back. Finn hated the idea of that. "Fine" he replied shrugging his shoulders.

Ross looked to left to see his dad talking to Luke, no doubt about Finn. Ross was wondering how much Finn had eaten, he knew he'd eaten something and he knew it was more than he'd eaten at home but he was still concerned. Ross didn't know much about eating disorders, he'd done research and realised there was lots of different triggers, which just confused him even more.

"Right he has managed to eat something so for now I would just say keep an eye on him." James nodded as Luke explained everything, just thankful that Finn was getting discharged and not having to be referred to anywhere. "If you can just sign these please" Luke said handing James the discharge papers so he could sign on behalf of Finn.

"If something happens, please don't hesitate to bring him back." James thanked Luke and then walked off to get Finn and Ross. "Right come on then you two, were off, Pete's waiting for us in the car park." As James said this, Finn sighed, yet another person the watch him and question him.

Finn gathered his things together, pushing away Ross who wanted to help and insisted on carrying his bag. Finn just gave in and let Ross carry his bag, knowing it was the easy option. As they walked out Luke said goodbye, Finn just nodded but carried on walking.

They made their way out of the hospital and into the car park where they found Pete. "Alright Finn?" Asked Pete as he took Finn's bag from Ross. Finn just got in the car completely ignoring his brother.

The car journey home was awkward to say the least. Nobody spoke and the only sound was the gentle humming coming from Pete's mouth. Finn started to wonder how his life had changed. He'd gone from being a perfectly happy young man to all of a sudden having the weight of the world on his shoulders, with his whole life being turned upside down. Obviously it was his fault.

They got home and the four Bartons went inside. James told Finn that Emma would be round later and that Victoria might join them. However then came the part Finn dreaded. "Do you want something to eat, Finn?"

 **Sorry for the delay, but thank you for reading. Reviews are appreciated :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	25. Chapter 25

**Thank you for all the reviews, they mean so much and keep me going :)**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

Chapter 25:

They got home and the four Bartons went inside. James told Finn that Emma would be round later and that Victoria might join them. However then came the part Finn dreaded. "Do you want something to eat, Finn?"

Finn paused, he didn't know what to say. Was he supposed to say yes? Or was he supposed to say no? Either way he'd get a reaction from his family. "Erm, I don't know", Finn replied. Is this how it was going to be for the rest of his life?

Pete and Ross watched on patiently, both hoping that Finn would say yes to prove that there was nothing wrong with him. It hadn't quite sunk in, the news about Finn, for both brothers. They were shocked more than anything; they couldn't believe how out of control things had got.

For Pete, it was the last thing he expected. It was like he didn't know Finn anymore, his little brother, the happy, sensible and funny one was now just miserable. He was going to help Finn in any way he could, of course he was, it was just whether Finn wanted his help.

Ross didn't really know what was going on. He knew that Finn had some sort problem, but an eating disorder wasn't that only something that a girl got? He didn't want Finn to get ill, even if he already was, Ross was just worried that they wouldn't get the old Finn back. He'd missed out on parts of Finn's life when he disappeared, but for Ross it's times that this that made him miss them even more.

"Erm I'm not actually that hungry so I'm just gonna go up to my room", Finn said before turning round and quickly making his way up the stairs. Ross and Pete both sighed, and sat down on the sofa. Both of them now knew that Finn had some sort of problem, now all they had to do was get him to accept that.

Finn made it to his room and lay down on his bed. He sighed, his life was a mess. They were constantly asking him if he wanted something to eat and checking on him; it was starting to annoy him. He didn't deserve to eat, not after what he had done to Val. Eric was right and every time he thought he was getting somewhere, the hurtful words that Eric had said circled his brain. Why couldn't his family just understand?

"So what now?" Ross asked. "What do you mean?" Pete asked, trying to workout what he brother was getting at. "What's going to happen to Finn?" Ross elaborated. Pete shrugged his shoulders and both brothers looked to their dad. "I don't know", James replied rubbing his hands over his face. "Maybe we should talk to him", Pete suggested.

"I think you both should, but go up to his room one at a time", James said, hoping that at least one of them could get through to Finn. James was at a loss, he didn't know how he was supposed to support him. It wasn't like he didn't want to support him, of course he did Finn was his son, his youngest son. "I guess I'll go first", Pete said standing up and making his way upstairs.

Pete knocked on his little brother's door, feeling slightly nervous. He didn't get a response so taking a deep breath he walked in. "Alright?" Pete asked trying to break the ice between him and Finn. He sat down on the end of the bed, and looked at Finn who was lying on the bed, staring into space.

"How you feeling?" Finn shrugged his shoulders, "fine." Pete knew Finn was lying, he obviously wasn't fine, not after what he'd been. "You don't have to lie to me mate", Pete said trying to get Finn to open up. "I'm not lying" Finn said bluntly. He couldn't be bothered to talk to Pete, he didn't want to and in his eyes he didn't need to.

"We're just trying to help you; understand what's going on in here", Pete said pointing to his head. "There's nothing going on in there", Finn said starting to become annoyed with his older brother. Yes okay, Pete was his big brother but he was far to protective. "I think you and me both know there is", Pete said, desperate to get through to Finn.

Pete sighed, he knew he wasn't getting anywhere so he decided to leave Finn to his thoughts. He didn't know what he was supposed to say and do, he felt helpless. Helpless because his little brother, the best of them, was throwing his life away day by day.

"How was he?" Ross asked Pete as he came back downstairs. He wanted to know as it was his turn next and he wanted to know how he was. "Not good, he would barely talk to me." James sighed, he just hoped Ross could talk to him. "Go on then Ross, work your magic." Ross stood up patting his brother on the shoulder as he walked out.

"Finn", Ross said as he knocked on the door of his little brother's room. Ross didn't get an answer but he walked in anyways. He saw Finn lying on the bed and he sat down in the same place as where Pete sat. "How you feeling?" Ross asked feeling slightly awkward. "You know Pete just asked me the same question" Finn said sarcastically. Ross smiled, that was his little brother talking. "Alright, Mr sarcastic."

"Look Finn we're worried about ya and we don't want to be", Ross said starting to feel at ease. "Then don't be", Finn said thinking that was the obvious answer. "But we are and we want to help you get over whatever it is you're suffering from." Finn rolled his eyes, "I'm now suffering from anything." Ross knew he wasn't getting anywhere so like Pete he decided to give Finn a rest. "I'm gonna go back downstairs, if you want anything to eat or drink just come down."

Ross made it downstairs and flopped down on the sofa. What were they gonna do? "How was he?" James asked. "He'd seemed the same as when Pete described him", Ross said. Pete came in and sat down, he too didn't have a clue what they were going to do next. However what all the Bartons knew, was they were going to help Finn, no matter what.

 **Thank you for reading and please review! :)**

 **Sorry this took so long to update, the next update should be on Wednesday.**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**As always thank you to Chloe67 and CBloom2 for reviewing it always means so much :)**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV.**

 **TRIGGER: this chapter includes eating disorders so if you feel you may be affected please don't feel like you have to read it :)**

Chapter 26:

The next day, things hadn't changed in the Barton household. Emma and Victoria had came over the day before but Finn had just stayed in his room. James had explained everything to them and to Victoria this was news. She'd never expected her best friend to have an eating disorder, Finn just didn't seem like the type of person, but then looks could be deceptive.

"Morning", Pete said as he came downstairs to find Ross and his dad. "Morning", they both replied. "Finn up yet?" James asked. Pete shook his head and sat down taking a piece of toast. "I was gonna see if Finn wanted to come out with me later", Ross and James nodded.

"Right, where would you go?" Ross shrugged, "the pub, you know just to get him out. He can see if Victoria wants to come." Pete nodded, impressed that his brother had came up with an idea that was actually quite good. "Do you think he'd want to go the pub in the village?" Pete asked knowing that Finn wasn't a big fan of the village.

Ross noted this and Pete had made a good point; the last time Finn went out into the village things didn't go well. "Well I'm hardly going to get in a car with him, am I" Ross said; James and Pete laughed. "Is he even awake?" Ross asked and Pete shrugged. "I guess I better go and see", James said, standing up and leaving to go up the stairs.

Finn was up and he was awake. He was getting himself dressed, knowing that he couldn't go downstairs wearing the same clothes as yesterday; it would just make his family even more worried. He put his trousers on and was about to put his shirt on when he dad burst through the door. "Finn I was..." James said but trailed off when he saw Finn's chest. It was just skin and bone. There was nothing to him, how thin had his youngest son become. "Dad!" Finn shouted grabbing his shirt to cover his chest. James snapped out his trance and walked out the door shutting it behind him, still shocked with what he had just seen.

"Is he awake?" Ross asked as James arrived downstairs, still in shock at what he'd just seen. "Yeah, he's awake", James replied sitting down on the sofa. "Everything alright dad?" Pete asked noticing his dad seemed different from when he went up. "Finn" James said. "What's happened?" Pete asked, him and Ross both now concerned. "He's just skin and bone", James said rubbing his hands over his face. "He's ill, really ill" James added.

Pete and James both looked at each other and frowned. They were both confused by what their dad meant, Finn didn't look that ill so what had their dad seen? "What do you mean, dad?" Ross asked wanting to know what his dad was getting at. "When I went in, Finn was getting changed and I seen his chest", James said. Pete and Ross both nodded, putting together the pieces and they realised what their dad meant.

Before anyone had a chance to say anything, Finn came down the stairs and appeared in the living room. "What?" He asked, as he sat down at the table. James, Pete and Ross all looked at each other waiting for one of them to ask the question; Pete finally plucked up the courage. "Do you want something to eat?"

Finn knew that question was coming, but what was he supposed to say? He considered saying no, in fact he wanted to say no but then a thought crossed his mind. What if he said yes. If he said yes then his brothers would be off his back slightly and his dad would worry less. That was a good thing. "Yeah go one", Finn replied. The other Bartons looked at each other, shocked at what Finn had just said. Pete immediately jumped to his feet, followed by Ross.

Both Bartons made their way into the kitchen, both of them taking advantage of Finn saying he wanted something to eat. "What do you want?" Pete asked as Finn sat down at the table along with Ross. "Erm, I don't really know", Finn replied, he hadn't thought of that. Finn thought, what could he have that was low calorie and wouldn't matter. Cereal wouldn't be good, but a slice of toast that would be alright.

"Do you want some toast?" Ross asked as if he was reading his little brother's mind. "Yeah", Finn replied quietly. He was starting to regret saying he wanted something, because now they would expect him to eat more. Why didn't he think of that? Ross sat opposite Finn, looking pleased, pleased that his little brother was eating something.

"I was thinking about going to the pub later, you can bring Victoria if you like" Ross said and Finn nodded, not quite knowing if he wanted to go through with Ross's idea. He thought about it and decided that he might as well just go and if he wanted to leave, Ross would let him. "Yeah, all right then" Finn replied as Pete put the plate down in front of him and Ross smiled.

The next 15 minutes were awkward, to say the least. James had sat on the sofa constantly glancing over at Finn, Ross sat at the table with him trying to make conversation but it wasn't working and Pete was just lurking in the kitchen watching his little brother like a hawk. For Finn it was a struggle, having to make it look like he genuinely wanted the toast and not that he was forcing it down just to make his family happy.

Finn spent the rest of the day in his room, he'd text Victoria to see if she was free and she was so that was sorted. Now all Finn had to was get himself ready to go out with Ross. "Finn, you ready!" Ross called up the stairs 30 minutes later. Finn sighed, got up off his bed and went downstairs. After making sure they had everything, Ross and Finn set off into the evening weather, with Finn praying that he wasn't going to see Eric.

 **Thank you for reading, please review, I'd love to know what you think :)**

 **I hope all my readers have a good new year and I'll see you next chapter :)**


	27. Chapter 27

**Thank you for the reviews, they always mean so much :)**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 27:

Finn and Ross set off down the road to the pub. Ross, for some reason, felt nervous. He knew why; Finn hadn't been out in what felt like a lifetime and after the last time, Ross was a little apprehensive.

Victoria sat in the pub, constantly looking around for Finn and Ross. She hadn't seen Finn for ages, so she jumped at the chance to go out with him. She checked her phone for any messages, but she had none.

As Finn and Ross approached the pub, Finn started to slow down. "You alright?" Ross asked, noticing that Finn started to slow down. Finn looked down at his feet, unsure of what to say. He wasn't really bothered that they were going to the pub, it was the fact that people would stare at him and he would almost certainly be bought a drink and something to eat. Finn hated eating, never mind eating in public.

Meanwhile, Pete and James sat home both trying to come up with a plan to help Finn. "So what are we going to do then?" Pete asked, lost on what else they could for Finn. "I have a plan" James said and Pete listened carefully. "Right, first of all, we all encourage Finn to eat that way he knows we're not going to give up. Secondly, someone should always be with him, because when he was at the hospital and I was talking to the doctor, he said someone should be with him. You know, just to keep an eye on him."

Pete nodded understanding what his father was going on about. "So what do you mean by, someone should always be with him?" Pete asked. He knew that Finn wouldn't take kindly to being watched, it would just crowd him. "I mean, if he's going out, go out with him. Look Pete, it's only because of what happened last time." Pete nodded at James' explanation.

He knew that this was going to be tough, but they had to get through to Finn and this was the only way to help him, then Pete was going to do it. He hated seeing his little brother suffer, especially when he didn't see what he was doing to himself. Even now, they still didn't know why Finn was doing this, because he hadn't opened up about his feelings. That was something Pete was going to try to do.

"When's his next appointment?" Pete asked. "Erm tomorrow, but I don't know who's going to take him. I've got to down and see Moira." Pete smiled, "I could take him if you wanted me to." James sighed, "yeah that would be great. I've just some stuff to sort out." Pete nodded, "it's alright. Let's just hope Ross doesn't get him too drunk." The pair both laughed.

"Yeah, I'm fine" Finn replied, trying to hide his shaky tone. However, Ross knew his brother and he knew when he was lying. "Look, we don't have to do this now" Ross said, not wanting to push his younger brother. All he wanted was Finn back and nothing else. "No, no. Victoria's waiting so we have to get going."

Ross was worried about Finn as they walked down the path. He was wondering if this was a bad idea, that Finn wasn't ready; that anything would make him snap. Ross didn't really know what was going on with Finn, he'd done research and tried his best to understand but that was more Pete's area of specialty.

The two men walked up to the entrance of the pub and Ross could feel his heart beating; he was sure it was as fast as Finn's maybe even faster. "Come on, let's do this" Ross said as he walked into the pub, checking over his shoulder that Finn was following him.

As they walked into the pub, Finn was hit with the warmth and chatter of it. He stopped awkwardly in the doorway and he could feel everyone's eyes on him. Diane, Doug, Chas, Victoria, Adam and Aaron were all looking at him; they wouldn't stop. Except that's what Finn thought. In actual fact they all glanced at Finn, gave him a sad smile and went back to their conversations, well all except Victoria.

She looked at her friend and she pitied him. His eyes were sunken and he had dark bags under them, he was thin and his hands were just bones, his hair was flat, his glasses made his thin face look tiny and he was wearing so many layers that Victoria wouldn't be surprised if he was sweating.

"Finn" Ross said, shaking Finn from his thoughts. "Yeah?" Finn asked as if he didn't know what he was doing. "Do you wanna go and sit down?" Ross asked, starting to get concerned for his little brother. Finn just nodded and went to sit with Victoria while Ross got the drinks.

Victoria watched as Finn made his way over to her. She didn't have a clue what she was going to say. She knew that if she said the wrong thing, it could upset Finn and he'd already tried to kill himself and now almost certainly had an eating disorder. Victoria just decided to play it cool and just talk to him, about anything and everything, just like what they used to do.

"Hiya" Victoria said as Finn sat down, shuffling uncomfortably in his seat. "Hi" Finn said weakly. He looked down at the edge of the table as it was the most interesting thing ever, he didn't want Victoria to see his guilt. "Where's Ross?" She asked, just generally trying to make conversation with Finn. "He's over there" Finn said, nodding his head in the direction of Ross.

"So how's your Finn doing?" Diane asked as she went to serve Ross. She knew Finn and Val had been close and she also knew that Finn took her death hard. "He's doing alright" Ross replied, intrigued to know what Diane knew. "Why?" He asked, casually as not to cause suspicion.

"I was just wondering" Diane replied. "I haven't seen him in ages and I noticed then when he came in he didn't look right. Are you sure everything's okay with him?" Ross had to control himself and stop himself from telling her everything right there. Finn was a mess and he needed help, but he wouldn't listen to anyone. "Anyways, what can I get you?" Diane asked.

"Two pints please" Ross said as he got the money out of his pocket to pay. "There you go" she said and Ross handed over the money, before going to take the drinks away. "Look, before you go" Diane said stopping Ross. "Whatever is going on with Finn, I hope it's better soon, all everyone wants is the old Finn back." Ross smiled and said thanks before turning round to walk off to Finn and Victoria. He hoped that Diane was right and that Finn would be all better soon. However, Ross just didn't realise how serious the situation had got.

 **Thank you for reading, sorry for the delay and please review, I'd love to know what you think :)**

 **See you next chapter :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you so much to Chloe67 and CBloom2 for reviewing, your support means so much :)**

 **TRIGGER: this contains eating disorders if you feel you may be affected please don't feel like you have to read**

 **I don't own Emmerdale all rights go to ITV**

Chapter 28:

"Right then, here we go" Ross said as he put the pints down on the table before sitting down. "You two alright?" Ross asked. "Yeah" Victoria said, while Finn sat there staring down at his pint. Why did he have a pint? He didn't deserve it, normally he'd come in here with Val and have a pint but now he can't and it's his fault.

"Finn" Ross said, gently nudging him under the table. "What?" Finn asked, his pale face showing when he looked up at Ross. "Are you alright?" Ross asked, repeating the question that he'd just asked the both of them. "Yeah" Finn said nodding.

Victoria looked at her friend, her best friend, and she had to stop the tears from falling. What had happened to her best friend? This wasn't the Finn she knew, this wasn't the Finn anyone knew. She'd felt sick when she'd seen him earlier, sick that someone could become that ill. It scared her.

"Right well, we've been out of action for a while so what's been happening?" Ross asked taking a sip from his beer, hoping to change the subject. "Nothing much", Victoria replied, "just the same as always." Ross nodded and looked to Finn who was still staring down at his pint. "Got anything to add?" Ross asked his brother. "Erm, no" he said looking up from his pint.

Finn hated this, he didn't know what to say. He was nervous and uncomfortable, he shifted in seat and pulled his coat around his hands. Why did he let Ross drag him there. He felt ashamed and everyone who looked at him knew what he'd done; knew that it was his fault Val was dead. He couldn't stand it and now he couldn't even look his best friend in the eyes.

"So how have you been then?" Ross asked Victoria, he was trying to start a conversation so Finn would join in. However that wasn't happening. "Yeah, I've been fine" Victoria said, she looked at Finn. "How have you been?" Finn looked up when be realised Victoria was talking to him; he didn't know what to say.

"Erm, I've been fine" Finn said and Ross tried to hide his eye roll. Finn was far from fine and he knew it. "Good, got any gossip for me?" Victoria asked Finn, hoping to get a conversation between them going. "Nope" Finn said bluntly and looked to his right to avoid Ross on his left and Victoria in front of him. Victoria looked down at her phone and knew this was her chance. "Look, I've gotta go but I'll see you later okay" she said to Finn who just nodded. As she stood up and got her coat, Ross shot her a sad smile and she returned it.

"What was all that about?" Ross asked Finn after Victoria had left. "Ross don't" Finn said as he rubbed his hand over his pale face. "Don't what Finn?" Ross asked, now starting to worry. "Can we just, can we just go?" Finn asked quietly and Ross sighed. Maybe it was a bad idea to bring Finn here. "Is that what you want?" Ross asked, finishing his pint. Finn nodded and looked at his untouched pint. Ross saw this and poured half of Finn's drink into his empty glass; it didn't look so bad.

"Come on then" Ross said as he stood up followed by Finn. Ross walked through the pub with Finn to the exit and as he looked to the bar, Dianne smiled ay him and he smiled back praying for the same thing as Dianne.

Victoria got home and sat down on the sofa. A single tear rolled down her cheek. The man she just saw wasn't Finn, it was a stranger who'd she'd never met. It was so hard to sit down and talk to this person who had clearly built a brick wall around themselves that wasn't supposed to be knocked down. She didn't know what she was supposed to say, or what she was supposed to ask Finn. It was like she was walking on thin ice and any second it would break.

As Ross walked home, he noticed that Finn was walking slowly behind him. He checked his phone and it was only 8:30pm but Finn sounded exhausted. Then Ross realised that Finn hadnt eaten since that morning, nearly 12 hours ago. He stopped and turned round to look at his fragile little brother and put his arm round him. "Come on, let's get you home."

Finn and Ross made it home and Finn walked in about to go upstairs. "Finn wait" Ross said as he walked into the kitchen. Pete watched what was going on from the sofa, nothing how tired Finn looked. He got up and went into the kitchen to find Ross making a sandwich, presumably for Finn.

"How did it go?" Pete asked and Ross sighed. "Not good", Ross replied cutting the sandwich in half, "he's not himself Pete and it's affecting his friendship with Victoria." Pete looked through and saw that Finn had taken his coat off and was now sitting on the sofa. "I'll take that through", he said taking the plate from Ross, "you got upstairs and sort yourself out." Ross reluctantly handed over the plate and then asked, "where's dad?"

"He's upstairs, sorting some stuff out" Pete said and Ross nodded. "Make sure he eats some of that" Ross said, referring to the sandwich. "I will, don't worry" Pete said knowing that even though Ross didn't show it, he was terrified for Finn. "Good, I'll see you later on" Ross said before leaving to kitchen and going upstairs.

"Hey" Pete said as he walked into the living room and put the sandwich down in front of him. He sat down next to Finn and grabbed the remote trying to make things as normal as possible, however for Finn that would never happen.

Finn looked down at the sandwich and knew he didn't have a chance, Pete would sit with him until he ate it. Except Finn couldn't bring himself to take a bite, he didn't deserve it and did Val get a sandwich made for her. Nope. He saw Pete look at him from the corner of his eye and he knew this was going to be a long night.

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